Everyday is Saint Day (Ver 2.0)

Yeah So What?

2007-06-20T12:50:00.000-07:00

So I haven't updated in awhile eh? It's been forever since I blogged anything, and my information is all outta date, not to mention the fact that my profile picture is all broken and stuff. Pretty sorry state of affairs. Not like anybody reads this thing anymore, anyway. Too busy on Facebook, no doubt, but I'm guilty on that count, myself.

What have I been doing with my time, you may ask? Playing lots of music (B.O.R.'s first show is coming up on June 28th at Logan's pub, woo!), and finally got back into writing Truestar's Fire after a long hiatus.. chapter 8 is nearing completion!

And we moved, and I got a new job with the Government, which I guess I posted about before, but it still feels sorta new. Anyway, that's it for now. I may get around to fixing up the joint sooner or later. But if I don't, I'm sure nobody will mind.

Lots and lots and lots of Changes!

2007-05-14T09:24:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I haven't posted in little while, so sue me, ya know??!?!?!??!?!

Anyway, my absenteeism in the blog world is certainly not on account of nothing going on in my life; au contraire! Much has happened since our dear departed Baron found his way to the rainbow bridge, most of it good!

To sum up, Lisa's mom quit her job around the middle of April or so, in preparation for her move to Ontario to help look after her mom, and all of went into overdrive getting the house ready to be moved out of.

The first phase, of course, was a massive cleanup and sorting effort in our garage, which had come to quite closely resemble the scrapyard across the water from my new job (I'll get to that part later). This took some time.. well a lot of time. As anyone who was involved in our last move can attest to, we had a lot of stuff. Much more than even we thought possible, and that was after having gotten rid of what we thought was a lot to begin with. Well, the new place doesn't have a garage, or any kind of appreciable storage, for that matter, so this time around we knew we actually had to get rid of about 95% of our crap. One way or another, it had to go!

Figuring that we actually had a lot of nice stuff that couldn't come with us, we held a series of very successful garage sales, eventually raking in about $1000 total between selling some nice furniture and other items. The rest of it went to the dump, or the salvation army. It was strangely satisfying to throw certain objects into the garbage.. items that had been following us around for so long we couldn't remember ever NOT having it.. but once it was gone it was like a weight was lifted off!

Moving day was actually a rather relaxed and laid back occassion, done over the course of about 12 hours, with frequent breaks. Where the last move involved about 10 people, a giant moving truck (almost a semi-trailer), my step-dad's fullsize pickup truck and two cars, this time, we did the entire thing with just the pickup truck and our car, and it seemed like there was very little to brought with us. It's a nice feeling, like starting over.

Of course, the day after the move I started my new job with the government. The Ministry of Aboriginal Relations and Reconciliation, to be exact. I like my job - it is challenging in ways I haven't really experienced before, but I am learning a lot and the change of pace has been a really positive experience thus far. I even have an interview coming up for a promotion already - that rocks!

I guess there really isn't a lot I can complain about, at least not huge things. I guess I've been a little frustrated lately over the seeming flakiness of some of the people in my life. I mean, it's always frustrating when plans change without warning, or when great ideas fall through, but that's life. I guess my frustration stems from the lack of communication about things, or the lack of basic politeness. How about an explanation for starters, just so that I know what's happening; did I overstep my bounds? Did I somehow piss someone off without knowing it? Unfortunately, since some people seem suddenly unwilling or unable to have a conversation about things, intentions never become known and it feels like jumping to conclusions is the order of the day!

On the other hand - if I ask if you're interested in being involved with something I am doing, you're free to say no! But, if you're going to say "Yes, I'm interested", then be willing to ACTUALLY do what you said you'd do! And if you decide after the fact, that you'd actually rather not, or don't have the time, or whatever, then TELL SOMEBODY! For frick sake, stop saying "Yeah I can make it" and then dropping off the face of the frickin' planet! !@(*)#$*#$)

There you go.. rant over!

All in all, things are good :)

Goodnight, Buddy.. Thanks for Being So Good to Us..

2007-03-28T12:50:00.000-07:00

Those of you who know me well know that I seldom cry, but I am crying right now, because Lisa and I lost a very dear and beloved friend and companion last night, in a completely unexpected and sudden turn of events. We knew that his time was growing short, but we expected that we would be the ones to decide when it would happen. Last night that choice was taken away from us -- a small mercy, but one that I can appreciate, having not looked forward to having to make such a difficult decision based on own arbitrary interpretation of his quality of life.

Last night, there were no difficult choices to make, only heart-wrenching certainties. It was, beyond a shadow of a doubt, Baron's time to go. I only wish he could have done so without all of the pain that accompanied the hour or so before the end. Last night, around 9:30 pm or so, Baron developed something called Torsion - also called 'The Mother of all dog emergencies', or so I have been reading. Basically, for reasons not fully understood by anyone who has studied the condition, the stomach becomes bloated to several times its normal size and then twists, cutting off the dog's esophagus and the blood supply to the stomach and spleen. From what I've been reading, it is one of the most painful, and THE most urgent medical emergency that a dog can encounter, because it can be fatal within minutes or hours, as well as because of the pain.

I take some solace in the fact that Baron's first instinct when the pain began, and he didn't know what to do about it, was to come to Lisa and I. I know that he knew how much we love him, and that he trusted us, and was comforted by our presence. He wasn't a terribly active dog for the past several months, because of his Degenerative Myelopathy, but he always seemed content just to be in the same room as us, and even though it took a great deal of effort for him to get around some days, he would still get up and come to wherever we were. He was our dog, and we were his humans, and he knew that as well as we did.

I'll always laugh when I think about his goofy "smile", and his one loppy ear. He was a puppy at heart, no matter how old his body got. I'm glad he never lost that, and I'm glad we had the opportunity to have him for the last 3 years or so of his life. They were good years, and I know that he appreciated them as much as we did. He was a good boy to the end, and he deserved to be relieved of his pain.

I guess it was a bit of a no-brainer then, when at the emergency vet clinic they told us what had happened and what his options were. Basically, something had to be done immediately, and the only treatment option was a potentially $7000 surgery, from which he would only have a 50% chance of survival at best. Even if we'd had the money, it would have been a selfish thing to do - he needed to be set free. After seeing the kind of pain he had been in at home and on the way to the vet, we knew it was the right decision. They gave him something for the pain, and some sedative, so when we were with him at the end, he seemed to be relaxed, and not hurting. He went out doing the thing we most loved to watch, when he would get really tired and his eyes would roll back as he fell into a peaceful sleep. It always made us laugh, and maybe he figured he would leave us with a good memory, though he'll have to forgive us if we didn't laugh this time.

Oh well, I'm just rambling now, trying to process everything that has happened in the last 12 hours or so. What else can I say - it was sucky, crappy, shitty night, and I'm really hurting right now. I don't know if dogs go anywhere when they die, but I hope I'll get to see him again one day.

We All Have Something That Digs at Us

2007-02-22T10:35:00.000-08:00

I heard this song for the first time last week sometime - it's the new single on the radio by the band Incubus, and it is just an incredible song. I just love the honesty of the lyrics and how well it applies to my life.

I also can't help but think of my wife, Lisa, when I listen to it. This song pretty well sums up our relationship...

Incubus - Dig

We all have a weakness

But some of ours are easier to identify.

Look me in the eye and ask for forgiveness;

We'll make a pact to never speak that word again

Yes you are my friend.

We all have something that digs at us,

At least we dig each other

So when weakness turns my ego up

I know you'll count on the me from yesterday

If I turn into another

Dig me up from under what is covering

The better part of me

Sing this song

Remind me that we'll always have each other

When everything else is gone.

We all have a sickness

That cleverly attaches and multiplies

No matter how hard we try.

We all have something that digs at us,

At least we dig each other

So when sickness turns my ego up

I know you'll act as a clever medicine.

If I turn into another

Dig me up from under what is covering

The better part of me.

Sing this song!

Remind me that we'll always have each other

When everything else is gone.

Oh each other....

When everything else is gone.

The Die Has Been Cast...

2007-02-15T13:52:00.000-08:00

As I was writing the title, I got to thinking that I really didn't know what the original source of that expression was. I've always thought of it as being related to throwing the dice in a game of chance - once the die is cast, fate is out of one's own hands and in the hands of, well, fate. Seems fitting. I also realized that this also fits in the context of die-casting metal; once you have cast the die, the shape of whatever you are making is set (but not in stone, in steel!). So the expression serves as a statement of inevitability about one's circumstances. The decision has been made, and there is no going back.

I guess in my case, either of these variations could apply - in one sense, a decision has been made, and is now going forward regardless of any second guessing on the part of Lisa and I. In the other sense, we really don't know exactly what to expect, but whatever the outcome ends up as, it is no longer in our hands.

This is all to say that we have made the big, and fairly heavy decision to move again. It was a really hard thing to do, because, unlike the rat-infested mould kingdom we left the last time, we love our house, and we love our town. We love our quiet, little neighbourhood, and we love that we can walk out our front door and have everything we need within easy reach of where our feet can take us. We love the airplanes flying over head, and we love our yard.

But, we are giving up all of that, less because we want to, and more because we have to. With Lisa's mom's store having gone belly-up (no fault of hers I might add), she is left with the prospect of not having a job in the near future. With her mother sick with alzheimer's, she is faced with the prospect of not having a mom in the near future. So she is going to go live with her sister and help look after her mom for awhile, in Ontario. I think it's the best thing she could do right now, but it had put Lisa and I in an uncomfortable position, because without having her significant help with our $1200 rent, there is no way we can stay in that house, not and survive as a couple. Even as things are now, money is always tight, and constantly on my mind.

I hate having to be stressed about finances everytime we go out to eat, or go to a movie, nevermind the sheer financial hell that the mere mention of going on a holiday anywhere inevitably creates.

Barry, my step-dad, said some very wise things to us when we were discussing all of this with he and my mom; he said that as much as we may love our house, and where we are at geographically speaking, all of that is far less important with how we are doing as a couple, and whether we are really living and enjoying our life. We can't live without money - it is a both a blessing and a curse, but it is also necessary. In the state we are in, we have a lot of debts, and a lot of expenses, and a lot of bills -- to really live and enjoy life is made difficult, if not impossible, in the financial state we are in, so if we really want to get ahead in life, and enjoy it, and live it, we may need to sacrifice our nice house, and all the rest of that, to get ourselves in a position of freedom.

Toward that end, Barry suggested to my mom that Lisa and I rent out the bottom floor suite of their house - which, ironically, is something we had actually been gunning for before we moved into our current abode. To do so would be advantageous for everybody involved, and would give us a really great opportunity to offload a lot of our expenses and actually start to pay off our debts. We both realize that this is the opportunity to "start over again" in many ways, that we have been seeking for a long time.

I feel like Lisa and I have been battling in the arena ever since we got married, duking our way through battle after battle to stay alive - there have been times of triumph and times of defeat, but we've taken a lot of setbacks, and we're exhausted. This is our chance to take a breather and step into the practice ring for awhile to get in shape for the real battles to come. It means stepping away from the glories of the arena for awhile, but in the end we'll be able to come back and win.

In preparation for all of this - we are getting rid of about 98% of our crap. Having a garage sale in March, and giving a lot of our furniture to my brother, who is going to be moving out of the suite we'll be moving into. We have a lot of stuff that needs sorting and either selling or just junking.. perhaps once we get a solid inventory I'll post some of it up and take offers haha :)

May 1st is the big day when we say bye to Sidney, for awhile at least.

The Two-Faced Church of Something-or-other

2007-02-09T10:58:00.000-08:00

I can definately admit that I rely entirely too much on my own brain.. although on the same token, I think the church is plagued with people who don't use their brains enough..

The frightening part is that it is those ones who are running the show.

There is a balance that needs to be achieved, however I don't think it is possible to do that in an organized setting.. too much politics.. too many people with double standards.. too many "leaders" who have convinced themselves that they have kicked their "sin" habit

It's like the whole Ted Haggard thing.. I read an interview with the assistant pastor who took over for him, and they claimed that after three weeks of intensive counselling, he is suddenly a "cured" heterosexual and drug free (after decades of secret gay love affairs and meth binges).. which is just.. beyond pretentious, and ridiculous.

The pastor went on to talk about (rightly so) that God does not see sin on a bell curve, and that one sin is no worse than any other sin to God. Almost in the next breath he says that "of course, Ted Haggard will never be allowed into any ministry leadership ever again - he's banned."

Like WTH? So here is where logic takes me, and I believe this is more accurate than most Christians would like to believe.. but if pastors truly believe that all sins are equal, and yet they will ban someone from leadership for coming out as gay (sinning), especially if they believe the person to be "cured" as this guy claims, then in order for them to reconcile their own leadership role it must mean that somewhere inside their small, deluded heads they believe themselves to be free of sinning. Sure, they'll talk a blue streak about how badly they used to sin in their pasts, but clearly, since they are now worthy to be pastors and church leaders, they must have somehow learned how NOT to sin, and are now perfect.

So I have to ask myself - SHOULD a person like Ted Haggard be allowed to get back onto the pulpit? I guess my question is - why not? What is it that seperates one sinful lifestyle from another? Find me a pastor who isn't living a sinful lifestyle and I'll buy you an island. The problem we have decided that there are sins that are acceptable and sins that are not, which is garbage.

It can definately be argued that there is a difference between "sinning" and living a "sinful lifestyle", but when it comes down to it, I don't believe there is a difference. We are ALL living in sin, some of us just do it in less obvious ways. And that is the key word I think - "Less obvious" .. it is more a question of PR than it is about anything scriptural -- we don't like how it LOOKS for a gay man to be a pastor, or even in church for that matter, because their sin is on display, as opposed to all of the secret sins that every other person lives in..

A good friend of mine made the argument that "just because you get angry at someone once in the week doesn't mean you are living in sin unless you don't recognize it and continue to harbor bad feelings for that person...if you realize it and ask for forgiveness from the person and God...that is a lot different then being in an affair whether homo or hetero." And I do believe she has a point.

My thoughts on this, however, are that being angry isn't necessarily a sin. Living an angry lifestyle is. So if getting angry at someone "once a week" is a downfall for someone, that means that they are getting angry at other people at other times during the week, and inevitably every day of that person's life they are being angry at people. That's a sinful lifestyle.

The funny thing is, I have heard pastors use examples out of their own lives for comic effect, like storie about habitual road-rage, for example. I'll admit, road rage can make for some awfully funny stories, but the fact that these stories are used for comic effect demonstrates how badly deluded we are, that we actually have put a thing like "habitual road rage" in the "acceptable sin" category. I doubt anyone would laugh if a pastor started telling funny stories about how gay he is.

Here's another example - in my experience Church women tend to be habitual gossips, however, as much as a Christian will admit that gossiping is a sin, when put to it, we will accept a woman as Godly despite her "little gossiping habit" much more readily than we would accept a homosexual man for his "little gay sex habit".

Again, what's the difference?

It Never Rains But it Pours / The Eyes Have It!

2007-01-30T10:56:00.000-08:00

So this is a double post (thus the two titles) - like two posts in one.. I was meaning to post about the first thing earlier but never got around to it, so now I'm just going to put all of my news into one! See - simple.

It Never Rains But it Pours

On sunday my band The Black Orchid Rebellion finally secured a functional jam-space in downtown Victoria and had our first REAL jam in there. For the first time I really saw and heard how good we are going to be live, and just how well the three of us actually work together, as we jammed it up really well - the songs seemed to come together very naturally and everyone seemed on top of their game. We even did a little arranging / writing on one song called 'Contagious', which previously hadn't had a lot of work done on it.

We kicked that songs butt, let me tell you. I've been borrowing Spencer's Big Muff overdrive pedal, which is a great pedal for putting a really cool sounding distortion on bass, and that ended up being an overriding theme of the song - a simple, smooth, and crunchy-sounding bass line underneath an almost Metric-esque drum-beat and cleanly distorted guitar turning dirty around the end of the song. Anyway, it was really good. Hopefully we will have some recordings soon, as Spencer moved his recording computer in there.

In other music news, the other band I am playing with finally had a full-out jam session last night in Brian's home studio. This was both of our first times playing with Shayne, the drummer, who is actually very, very good. Brian is a great guitar player as well, and we had a really good time jamming out some sweet tunes, including one of my own devising (I came up with a bass line that the other two totally built upon, ending in an alternatingly almost industrial / surf sounding song. Sounds weird, but it worked.) For a little taste of what we are doing, you can check out Brian's myspace page. The other cool thing is that we are going to most likely share the jam-space with B.O.R. , which will make it a lot cheaper for everyone - especially if this band ends up with four or five members as we are planning. $200 split between seven people is much better than split between three!

The cool thing is that I am getting so damned inspired musically lately, just in simple things like my own personal sound as a bassist. Having been listening to a lot of Muse lately, I totally want to be a bassist that makes a real creative impression by being central to the sound of whatever band I'm in.. to that end I have been playing with various effects and techniques - that Big Muff pedal I was talking about puts out some great sounds, and I also went into Long & McQuade to try out something I had never even really heard of previously, called a Bass Synth pedal (specifically the Electro-Harmonix Micro Bass Synthesizer) and I was totally blow away by the sounds this thing can come out with! It's like playing a synthesizer through my bass guitar.. just plain cool, and it will make me different than 99% of all the other bassists out there. I may not be a terribly technical player -- I like to play simply, and drive the song as much as possible (although there are times when I like to add interest to the low-end as well), but I want to make whatever I am involved with sound different, and cool. Too bad this thing is so expensive, but it's worth saving for. Other thing I need to get is a good compressor - a mainstay of any bassist for fattening up the tone.

So, to sum up - you can expect to hear some cool things out of my bands in the near future, I think!

The Eyes Have It!

In other news, my on-going eye-tearing problem has hopefully (cross my fingers) been taken care of today, after much long frustration and repeated eye-wiping for the past year and a half or so. I finally got in to see an Opthalmologist a couple of weeks ago, and he basically said that my persistent tearing was likely the result of either allergies or a blocked tear-duct. So I tried some drops for ten days or so, which did not solve the problem.

Today I went in to have my tear-duct irrigated in the hopes of discovering the blockage and fixing it - this was an interesting procedure, as the opthalmologist had to use freezing drops and then stuck a couple of different probes into my tear duct to "dilate" (stretch) the tear duct, and he noticed at that point that my tear duct was extremely tight, which was possibly the true cause of the problem. Anyway, after he had sufficiently stretched the sucker out he stuck another syringe-like probe in there and squeezed water or something through there. If there were no blockages I would feel the liquid draining down the back of throat, and sure enough I felt it.. and it was a strange, strange sensation let me tell you.

So we ruled out a blockage, however the doctor believed the problem was likely happening because my duct was so tight, and he said that the dilation might help for a day or two, or maybe a month, but would likely not fix it permanently. The best solution, in his opinion was a "three snip" procedure, in which he would freeze my eye (with a needle), and then use some tiny scissors to make a triangular incision (thus the three snips) to enlarge the tear duct. He said I could wait to see how the dilation worked, or he could just do the snipping right now, and I opted to just get it over with, as I have had quite enough of the tearing and wiping by now.

Probably the most painful part was the needle he had to stick in there to freeze it.. Lisa stayed and watched the whole thing, and she reported that my face while he was putting the needle in was the worst part for her. Yeah, it hurt, I will admit, and probably largely due to the fact that it was in my friggin' eye! Then he went about the snipping, which was a little uncomfortable in parts, but wasn't too terrible. Didn't take very long, at least.

The doctor seemed to appreciate the irony of the shirt I chose to wear to his office, which Lisa scored me on the weekend, though it seemed to make him slightly nervous... not really.

Anyway, my eye is kinda swollen and a little sore, but I will survive. I decided that it was probably not in my best interest to drive to work though. And besides, I have decided to make it a personal policy that any day in which I am subject to any sort of surgery, whether minor or major, is an automatic sick day.

Well, there's the news!

Ebay... Wins and Losses?

2007-01-18T12:02:00.001-08:00

Recently, Lisa and I have embarked upon a sort of education foray into the world of selling on Ebay.. we could really use some extra money, and there seems to be a lot of money to be made buying a selling things on Ebay, if you know what you're doing. Hell, we even bought a book on the subject and everything.

We've started out by putting a few things we already had up for auction (Three nice dresses and three 164-1994 Commemorative Collection GI Joes - in their original package!) to test the waters as it were. So far we have not had a great deal of success.. the GI Joes each have one bid.. of 99 cents each.. and the dresses have no bids, although there are a few watchers.. hopefully they will start bidding closer to the closing date. In any case though - we need to find some stuff is a little more predictable.. electronics maybe.. to sell. If we could save a few bucks to buy some wholesale lots of things we might actually be able to turn a decent profit.. but we'll cross that bridge when we have the funds to build it, I guess.

In other news, though, I was awarded a refund of $88.07 by Paypal, after I got scammed by an Ebay seller into buying a bass guitar pedal that he never sent. It's a shame though.. I really wanted that pedal... oh well, you win some and you lose some.

Wait -- when do we start winning some again?

Job Update!

2007-01-03T16:28:00.000-08:00

Are you ready for this????!?!??!?!?!

Yeah, I didn't get the f***ing job. Yay me.

Yay!

2006-12-29T12:08:00.000-08:00

My cabinet is here! My cabinet is here! My cabinet is here!

(That's the monstrous box with the 4 speakers in it, as depicted in my previous post)!! I'm going to pick it up after work! Unfortunately, the header has yet to arrive, so the cabinet will, for the moment, be, well, useless :( But hey at least it's here! I suppose there is an off chance the header will arrive today at some point as well.. it's pretty well due, I think..

UPDATE --

I spoke to Canada Post and apparently the amp has been in customs for the last week and just today was accepted and shipped to Richmond. Apparently I can expect it sometime next week. Too bad I won't be able to take it to the "All Nighter" tonight, but them's the breaks when you order stuff off of eBay :/

Can You Feel the Mountains Tremble?

2006-12-27T15:42:00.000-08:00

Aha! I tricked you into thinking that this was some sort of esoteric post about something religious! Or maybe I didn't.. I just meant because the title is that of a popular praise song, which I have now shamelessly taken in for my own alterior agenda of destruction!! MUAHAHA!

No, actually it's not that either.. this is, in fact, a BASS-related post.. which is why the reference to mountains trembling is appropriate.. because THE MOUNTAINS ARE GOING TO BE TREMBLING REAL, REAL SOON, BABY, YEAH!

*Ahem*. Pardon moi, allow me to explain. I'm in a band, see, and I play bass. I think most of you knew all of that. Anyway, my big focus lately has been to buy a new bass amp, for a number of reasons, not the least of which is that I want something that really sounds GOOD, not just adequate, and something built for what I like. There are a few names that are synonymous with REALLY REALLY good bass amplification, my favourite of these being Gallien-Krueger, with Ampeg a close second. Not long ago I happened to become quite enamoured with the idea of buying a GK amp header on EBay, as the prices on there are quite a bit better than what you get here. I ended up buying a Gallien-Krueger Backline (their entry level, but from what I hear, this amp is really good) 600, which is a 300 Watt Amp, said to be VERY nice. Someday I'm sure I will upgrade to a 1001RB or something, but for smaller venues (clubs, etc) this is going to be GREAT! And, even after shipping and the exchange rate I still saved $100 over the local price.

Of course, a nice header is nothing without the cabinet (aka speakers) to go with it. You can amplify somethng till the cows come home, but without any speakers, no one is going to hear a dang thing. Thus, I made it clear to my family that what I really wanted to Christmas was purchasing power in form of monies or gift cards that would enable me to get a nice cabinet. And come through they did! I was looking for a particular Ampeg cabinet, but I couldn't find it anywhere, however I was able to get (well it is on order and I hope it will be in within a couple of days) this Gallien-Krueger 410SBX cabinet, which should match the head very nicely and by all reports sounds absolutely incredible. Needless to say, I am looking forward to pounding some air with this sucka!

All this to say one thing: if you feel the mountains trembling sometime in the next week or so, you now know why! Cheers!

It's Just a Matter of Time Now...

2006-12-21T16:20:00.000-08:00

Well, I've just now finished my second (hour long) interview for the Quality Assurance Supervisor job here at work -- I think it went quite well, and I am confident that if it is a job I am meant to have, God will put favour on me in the mind of my boss, and also potential future-boss (yeah, make sense of that, will you?).

I still have to go back to a dream that Lisa had way back when we were talking about whether or not I should take a job at West or another position that, at the time, looked better. She dreamed of me in an empty white room, waiting. There was one door, and it was closed, but I went and opened it and behind it there was another door, and another, and another.. the doors just kept opening for me. She felt this was West, for some reason. Then she saw me in the same white room, with the same door. This time the door was opened for me, by some hideous looking man, and behind the door it was all just black -- I walked through the door and never came out again.

Certainly, my experience at West has been one of opening doors, and hopefully this is the next one in the series!

Anyway, if everyone could just be praying about the outcome, that would be great!

Two or Three... Hundred?

2006-12-08T10:35:00.000-08:00

So what is it about Christian(ist)s exactly that always makes them want to simplify the complicated parts of the Gospel while complicating the simple parts? It is a strange phenomenon that seems to me, to have led to endless faulty doctrines, teachings, and belief systems within the church, resulting in sermon after sermon of cherry-picked scriptures from this book and that book and this book over here, that we fit together assuming they are all talking about the exact same things despite the disparate cultures, eras, and authors that they came out of.

When one comes across a verse in the Bible recording a conversation that Jesus had with a Jewish person regarding the sacrifices he was making in the Jewish temple, why is it our impulse to grab onto those words and throw them at each other, saying "See! SEE!! Jesus said you need to do it like THIS!", while conveniently overlooking the fact that neither party in the discussion is A)Living in the first century Roman Empire, B) Jewish, C) Attending a Jewish Temple, D) Making a sacrifice, or E) the individual the Jesus was addressing in the passage. These are all important questions that really do need to be contexutalized before any applicable meaning can be derived from the passage. To blithely look at such a verse and take it literally, or worse, start bashing people over the head with it, is completely disgraceful, deluded, and sinful, in my humble opinion. And yet, this is the way it has been in pretty well 100% of every church service or Bible study I have ever been a part of -- why?

It is equally eggregious, to me, when someone takes a passage out of the old testament, reads it verbatim and then says "Look - God said this, and this is what we are supposed to be doing!". By that twisted logic, we should be going out onto the streets and slaughtering every man, woman, and child we meet who doesn't worship Jehovah. And basically this would also mean nuking the bejeezus out of the middle-east until all the ungodly muslims have been extinctified.

However, we don't do this (at least some of us don't.. although certain American politicians seem to be leaning dangerously in this direction lately). For some reason it is okay to reject the old testament's admonitions to genocide, while embracing the condemnation of people with tattoos, or loud music, or alternative lifestyles. Again I ask -- why? Not that there is no applicable teaching to be had out of the old testament, but it HAS to be interpreted with a cultural, linguistic, stylistic, chronistic context that leads to discovering the underlying truth behind it.

Now to get back to the subject of the post title --- on the other hand, we also have this bizarre and opposite tendency to over-analyze and insert fictional meaning to entirely straight-forward issues, and things that Jesus said which really give us very little reason to delve further into. Jesus was many things, but I do not believe he was ambiguous -- evasive perhaps, when people were looking for easy answers, but not ambiguous. He said what he meant, basically.

Here is an example of what I mean:

"For where two or three gather together because they are mine, I am there among them.” (Matt 18:20)

It is a verse that pretty well every Christian knows, and it is a very important verse, but it is also very simple. And when I say that Jesus wasn't ambigious, what I mean is that in this passage, he specifically uses the number 'two or three'. Not 'twenty or thirty' or 'two or three hundred', and neither did he say 'two or three is alright, but you're better off with seventy'. I believe that something very specific is being established by Jesus here.

You know the really funny thing about this verse is that the times I hear it repeated most often is when it is being used as an excuse. Someone calls a prayer meeting or a Bible study and when only a small handful of people show up, the organizer looks around and flippantly says "Well he did say 'when two or three are gathered'", almost like they are apologizing for something. We've read far more into this than Jesus intended, and instead of placing the emphasis on the 'two or three' as being a desirable result, we've taken this to be a minimum threshold.

My theory is this: What if Jesus actually meant what he said? What if he was trying to get something specific across with his words? While this verse is usually taken to mean that two or three is the minimum number of people required for Christ to make an appearance, I think that Jesus was actually trying to tell us something else.

I think he was trying to tell us that it is in the intimate moments with people that we love and care about, that we will find him. I know it's always been true for me. More and more I am realizing that our sunday church services and fancy programs serve only to distract us from experiencing Christ in a personal way.

Often times we look at these huge venues where people are dancing and singing and "praising" as one body and say "Wow, the spirit is really moving here".

No it isn't. At least not usually. The fact is there is no big mystery to these occurances - these massive corporate moves of the spirit. It all comes down to a very well-documented effect known as mob mentality. It is a condition in which people cease to be individuals, lose their ability to think and act for themselves, and get swept along with whatever the rest of the group is doing. When the mob is doing something unseemly, we call out the police to go dismantle it with body armour, batons, and tear gas. When the mob is falling over, weeping, jumping up and down, etc, at an overly-emotional worship service, we call it 'revival' or being 'slain in the spirit'. Not that these things can't be valid, but not with the frequency we see it.

The reason I say this is because I have stood at the front of the church, with my bass strapped on, playing the best that I can, more times than I can count, and what I have observed, time and time again, is this: when the congregation is enthused about what is happening, everybody sings and everybody dances, yet when the congregation is indifferent, everyone stands around with their arms crossed. And at the end of the day, they go home and forget whatever it was they felt earlier, because the vast majority of the time there was nothing there for them to personally connect to, anyway. They got to sit down and listen to someone talk about things that more than likely had little or no relevence to their day-to-day life. Woo.

The times that I can really remember feeling like God was there, talking to me, are the times when I am with my wife, maybe at a friend's house, talking about why we fight, or why we're angry, or why we're sad. Talking about what God's words really means to the rat's nest inside my mind, quietly praying for things that are on our hearts and minds, and accepting those things, regardless of the right and wrong of it. Letting God, not people, sort us out.

And The Winner Is...

2006-12-04T15:53:00.000-08:00

...Me!

Yes, National Novel Writing Month is officially at a close for 2006, and I can officially count myself among the winners, thanks to my astonishing feat of writing 52,000 words in 30 days! That's an average of 1733.33 per day! Woo!

The truly amazing part about it is that I actually ended up with a pretty decent story after all was said and done - I actually like it, despite all that I was worried about it ending up as a lot of crap. It has been partially posted at http://coldbloodnovel.blogspot.com and I will be working up putting the whole thing up there with a slightly easier-to-read format maybe today sometime.

Well that's all the news for now...

Won't You Be My Baby?

2006-11-25T11:10:00.000-08:00

So, part of the fallout of starting a band that is destined to go somewhere (in my humble opinion) is that I have started to take a really serious look at the kind of equipment I'm using. Thanks to my patron saint of Bass-Playing (Mike P -- you know I love you man), I have a beautiful Fender American Deluxe V (5-String) Jazz Bass. It sounds great, but isn't really built for cutting through a heavy-rock mix, for whatever reason. Not that it isn't workable.. it most definately is, but I've been really thinking about eventually getting something that is really built for the style of music we're playing.
After having done a little research into what my sort of iconic hard-rock bass players, I have found my new axe -- ala Jon Cooper of Skillet. The Traben Phoenix Custo, 5-String. They sound great, look great, and aren't very expensive, compared to other instruments of their calibre. Check 'er out..

Yeah baby!

Oh Hell Yes!

2006-11-13T02:36:00.000-08:00

At last, The Black Orchid Rebellion has found what it was looking for -- a drummer! And a damn good one, at that. In fact it just so happens I was able to get back in touch with my old drummer from Pure Silver, who I've been wanting to playing with again for a long time. Today, Spencer and I went over to his house and jammed the ever-loving crap out of his tiny jamming-room.

Anyway, to make a long story short, we have a drummer now: Welcome to the band, Steve Hawkes!

Coldblood!

2006-11-03T17:22:00.000-08:00

The frantic writing buzz of the NaNoWriMo has begun, and my novel is off to a good start, at 5,003 words in the past 2 and a half days! I've started a new blog to post my novel as I go along, you can check it out at http://coldbloodnovel.blogspot.com

In other new, The Black Orchid Rebellion is coming along.. we still need a dang drummer though, so that we actually get our sound solidified and start gigging. Expect to hear more about both ventures very soon!

Attack of the Black Orchid Rebellion

2006-10-24T12:12:00.000-07:00

You may be asking yourself - "What is the Black Orchid Rebellion?", perhaps assuming I am about to launch into some sort of deep Biblio-spiritual diatribe on God-only-knows-what.. but.. I'm not.

The Black Orchid Rebellion is actually a rock band.. alternative in style.. with some absolutely fantastic songs, a really great guy at the helm... and a new, kick-arse bass player :)

Yes, that's right, it's me, and I am really frickin excited about this, because my new friend and bandmate Spencer Lillo is an amazing song-writer and we're going to have some absolutely fantastic material to work with. Here's a little sampling for you to enjoy!

http://www.myspace.com/theblackorchidrebellion

Oh, and one more thing -- we need a drummer.. so if you know someone (preferably a Christian, but depends on the individual), or if you are a drummer looking for work. And you don't suck. And you have your own drums. And not the Fisher-Price kind. Then please let me know!

NaNoWriMo!

2006-10-20T15:48:00.000-07:00

I am officially a participant in the NaNoWriMo - that is the National Novel Writing Month, in which thousands of wannabe-novelists attempt to write a 50,000 word novel in no more than 30 days, between November 1 and November 30. All who make the 50,000 word threshold are declared winners!

I'm cooking up something cool for my NaNo Novel, so wish me luck, and if it seems like I'm not terribly social next month, you'll know why!

If anyone is interested in joining me, go check out NaNoWriMo.org to see how it all works, and sign up! You can add me as a writing buddy or check out my writer profile as well!

And, there is a local group of NaNoWriMo authors getting together every sunday in downtown Victoria - the next meeting is this sunday, 2:30 pm at the Solstice cafe, though the regular time and place has yet to be decided upon. I'm going to look into getting a local group together on the Peninsula as well, so let me know if you are interested!

The Chosen Ones?

2006-09-20T11:50:00.000-07:00

I've always been taught that Christians are God's children - his chosen people, as it were, as we are the ones who are connected with him through Christ; in essence we are the human element in his final covenant with mankind. But something that has always bothered me is how Christians still refer to Israel or the Jews as still being God's chosen people and that God's eternal favour must always rest upon them for some reason unbeknownst to me.

So which is it? Are God's chosen people the Jews, or are they the Christians (not to suggest that a Jew cannot be a Christian, but when I say 'Jew' I mean in the orthodox religious sense rather than the cultural observance), because it strikes me as silly to suggest that it can be both, seeing as how the two factions basically represent spritual notions that are diametrically opposed to each other (i.e. Jesus IS the son of God / the Messiah vs. Jesus was NOT messiah and such beliefs are tantamount to heresy.)

It seems to me, and is my interpretation of the Old Testament covenant versus the New Testament convenant, that the racial inheiritance of the Jews as the children and chosen people of Yahweh in the Old Testament (and subsequently doctrines and practices of the Jewish people up until the birth of Christ) were basically a symbol, or a foreshadowing of the SPIRITUAL inheiritance that would be brought about by the death and resurrection of Christ. The position of the Jews in the Old Testament effectively became the position of Christ's disciples in the New Testament (and into current times).

What this amounts to for current-time Christians is an interesting conundrum: Christendom (also spelled "Christianism"), as the political and religious institution that it most assuredly is, seems bent on defending the honour of Israel against her enemies at all costs, almost as if, in any given conflict, the Israeli people are incapable of doing wrong and we must pray for Israel to prevail because they are "God's chosen people".

In reality, the state of Israel as it stands today is a militaristic Zionist nightmare of extremist proportions with a long history of oppressing the Palestinian people in all sorts of horrible ways. The Israeli military is guilty of any number of homicidal and basically genocidal practices which, thanks mostly to the Christianist West, has the most technologically advances war machine to be found anywhere in the world, including (but not limited to) nuclear weapons and other WMDs.

Strangely enough, while the U.S., U.N., etc love to demonize countries like Iran and try to bully them into giving up their rights to nuclear energy, no one ever balks at all of the nukes possessed by dear old Israel.

I found it hard to swallow Israel's latest escapades against Lebanon, and the way in which the US backed them. It was basically the equivalent of some Canadian splinter group (let's say the FLQ, for instance) kidnapping a couple of U.S. police officers and the U.S. responding by bombing the living crap out of every major Canadian city and killing thousands of people who literally had nothing at all to do with anything.

And yet, surprise, surprise, most of the Christians I know were praying up a storm for poor, embattered Israel, God's favourite, chosen country. I just don't get it, and personally I think it is a deception of the enemy in the worst possible way.

Upon continuing my little exploration of the Gospels the other day I came upon this verse, which seems to confirm what I have been thinking regarding the passing of God's favour from the political state of Israel to the spiritual Church of Christ - it is the parable of the Evil Farmers found in Matthew 21:33-44:

33"Now listen to this story. A certain landowner planted a vineyard, built a wall around it, dug a pit for pressing out the grape juice, and built a lookout tower. Then he leased the vineyard to tenant farmers and moved to another country. 34At the time of the grape harvest he sent his servants to collect his share of the crop. 35But the farmers grabbed his servants, beat one, killed one, and stoned another. 36So the landowner sent a larger group of his servants to collect for him, but the results were the same.
37"Finally, the owner sent his son, thinking, `Surely they will respect my son.'
38"But when the farmers saw his son coming, they said to one another, `Here comes the heir to this estate. Come on, let's kill him and get the estate for ourselves!' 39So they grabbed him, took him out of the vineyard, and murdered him.
40"When the owner of the vineyard returns," Jesus asked, "what do you think he will do to those farmers?"
41The religious leaders replied, "He will put the wicked men to a horrible death and lease the vineyard to others who will give him his share of the crop after each harvest."
42Then Jesus asked them, "Didn't you ever read this in the Scriptures?
`The stone rejected by the builders has now become the cornerstone. This is the Lord's doing, and it is marvelous to see.'
43What I mean is that the Kingdom of God will be taken away from you and given to a nation that will produce the proper fruit. 44Anyone who stumbles over that stone will be broken to pieces, and it will crush anyone on whom it falls.

Temporary Reprieve

2006-07-31T19:02:00.000-07:00

Well we took Baron into the vet today with every intention of having the dirty deed done, but after talking with our vet and really evaluating how we were feeling and also how Baron has been, we've decided to wait a little while longer. From the vet's obervations and also from what we have told her of our own observations he is actually not suffering the way we had thought, and though he is, as she put it "handicapped", he isn't in pain and isn't really suffering in the way human beings might suffer from similar ailments.

It is true that he will probably not be around a whole heck of a lot longer before his back legs really become paralyzed, and that is definately where the line would be drawn for us. Anyway, for now, our old boy is alive and kicking. And we found his favourite toy, to. Amazing how a dog can perk up at the sight of his Koool Kong :)

Home Sweet Home?

2006-07-30T12:48:00.000-07:00

As anyone who has been reading may have noticed, I stopped camp journaling at Day 4, which was due to the flakiness of the wireless internet up at camp. Seems somebody installed a new antenna and nobody was able to connect wirelessly for some reason. So I will be attempting to summarize the last few days once I have had a little time to unpack it all myself.

It hasn't been a terribly easy transition, the coming home. I'm not a person who has a terribly easy time expressing or feeling comfortable with feeling a lot of emotions, but yesterday, and more last night I found myself unable to stop myself (much as I tried) from sobbing, even if I did do my best to hold my friggin breath to stop from sounding like it.

It was hard to say goodbye to the kids yesterday, especially a few of them in particular who I really connected with in a special way, and I'll admit I really felt like breaking down yesterday as they were leaving camp, but I sucked it up. The leaving, itself, was difficult - the routine over the last week is something I have come to depend on. Always somewhere to be and something to be doing, whether it be playing music for the kids or practicing, manning the Zunga (SO much fun), washing pots and pans or whatever else. And now that I'm gone there is a feeling of empty aimlessness.

I come home to find that my beautiful old dog, who my wife and I rescued at the ripe old age of 10, and who has been slowly succumbing to degenerative myelopathy (think of a doggy version of MS or ALS) has been rapidly going downhill in the week since I've been away, and now we have an appointment on monday to have him put down because it has become obvious that he just isn't happy in his own skin anymore. We love our dog, and I know that I personally have had a real struggle with the idea of putting him down because he isn't in any pain - he is just slowly becoming paralyzed. He poops and has now begun peeing on his own bed, or on the kitchen floor, unable to hold it or unaware of the need to due to the lack of feeling in his back-side. For a breed as proud and regal as the GSD, my wife points out, it must be a very shameful thing to go to the bathroom in ones own territory, and with no way to bury it or hide it from potential enemies. In other words, it probably drives him quite nuts. Whenever he does it there is a certain look of deep shame that comes over him, his ears droop down and sometimes he starts to shake as though we are going to yell at him or hit him. We never do, though, and never have, at least not for things like that which are out of his control.

As if that weren't enough, I get back from a week serving God in the best capacity I can think of, by minstering to kids, some of which whom really needed a week to just kick back and be kids and have fun, and also to have some exposure to a God who really loves them and wants them to know that. And what do I find but some hateful, left-leaning atheist creeps saying some really awful, hurtful and baseless accusations about Ron and myself, insinuating (or in Ron's case openly stating) their belief that only a pedophile would be "excited" about spending a week with children. Pardon my french, but WHAT THE FUCK??!! Where does this kind of self-indulgent trash get off saying this sort of thing about people he knows nothing about? I have to wonder what is wrong with a person whose natural assumptions are that all adults who enjoy spending time with children are also out to sexually abuse them. It actually creeps me out quite badly.

So yeah, a lot going on. A lot of really emotionally difficult stuff going on. Usually I have no problem being strong and stuffing it down, but I just feel like I'm being hit on all sides. Anyway, it isn't all bad, just really taxing and draining I guess. I'll write more about camp when I have a chance.

Camp Journal : Day Four (Part 1)

2006-07-25T22:17:00.000-07:00

Energy: High
Relaxation: Good
Fingers: Rallying
Stings from unidentified insect type beast: 1
Number of hops: Several
Pots / Pans Washed: A babillion
Swings on the Zunga: 5 or 6

Another good day at camp - the heat was significantly lower today than in previous days and overall it was just a nice temperature all around. Sleep was about 2 million times better than previously experienced and I had a chance to have a good heart to heart with Benson. For those of you who don't know Benson, he's our drummer.

The kids are getting cuter by the day.. and some of them are getting more annoying by the day.. but mostly cuter. Especially the girls for some reason. The boys are sort of at that age when they are starting to get that competitive / mean thing coming out, which I guess most boys go through. I had to threaten one boy with being banned from the Zunga after I made the comment that Tristan (T-Man) gets the best air in camp, and the boy said it was because he is "humongous". Definately not cool.

Its funny I didn't notice it when I was that age, but its true what they say about girls being years ahead of boys in terms of emotional development. Most of them are quite easy to talk to and social, and also a lot braver than a lot of the boys. Its funny - we are having a name the band contest so that the campers can give us a name, so all day kids have been coming up to me with their band name submissions. Most of the names we've been getting are along the lines of "The Christian Rockers" or "God's rockers", but this one girl gave me the name I really hope we end up going with, because it was so bizarre and also hilarious. It was "Spicey Hot Fire Hydrants". I don't where she came up with it, but we all couldn't help but have a good chuckle about it.

I had a chance today to go to one of the cabins to help the kids with their memory verses, and the cabin leader asked me to help this boy named Roderick. He was having a really hard time with a verse was actually quite long for a 10 year old boy I would think. But within about 10 minutes I had him saying the whole thing, no problems. Then I asked him what his favourite thing was at camp and he said the Zunga, so I walked down to the Zunga with him and watched him take a swing.

Oh yeah, and today was my turn washing pots and pans in the kitchen. The head potwasher is a guy named Jim who is an old army buddy of Ron's, so Ron was warning me all day about Jim war flashbacks. His sage advice to me was to have one of the giant wooden mixing spoons ready to knock him on the head, should I see "that glint in his eyes". Fortunately that wasn't necessary :) It wasn't as bad as I had imagined it might be, though I literally felt as though I had just gotten out of the lake by how much I had been sweating in that big rubber apron. Fortunately, the first thing I did when I was done was to ... take a swing on the Zunga! There's really no better way to feel refreshed after a long shift of something like that.

Evening chapel was fun as well as we got to have it outside down by the water in their outside chapel. The sound was good down there and Ron kindly suggested that I crank the living crap out of my amp. Of course I happily obliged. Those kids sure love The Happy Song.

The majority of the rest of my evening has been spent trying to get askaninja.com to load (at Ben's request) - its a freakin hilarious site that I was introduced to today. I had a group of like 5 people (cabin leaders and other worker types) watching with me, but apparently the summer staff are downloading a movie, which makes the entire network slow and often inaccessible, which is also the cause of my lack of updates for most of the day.

Anyway, I'm going to save this now and hope the dag-gum thing works. Ciao!

Camp Journal : Day Three (Part 2)

2006-07-24T21:34:00.000-07:00

Exhaustion Factor: High
Heat Stroke: Negative.. so far
Fingers: Still hangin' on
Number of swims: 2 (5 if you count my swings on the Zunga)
Number of children shot with water gun: Too many to count.

So anyway, day is almost come to a close now, and I am pretty tired I'll admit. It has been a busy day! The water is still great, and I've been making as much use of it as possible, but I'd say hands-down my favourite thing today was running the Zunga, which is a big rope swing that tosses you into a deep part of the lake. All the kids love it, and it was especially cool to see the same kids coming back again and again, starting from their first time (which inevitable resulted in belly/back flops or faces full of lake water) into being confident and competent Zunga'ers.

There was one boy in particular who has stood out to me for some reason. Probably because he reminds me of me at that age. He comes from what I have to assume is a wealthy family - his dad is a professional motorcycle racer (How's that for a "my dad is cooler than your dad" trump card eh?), and he was telling about his family's 48 foot boot that they travel around to various islands in all the time. Also they are thinking of sending him to school in Ottawa. He seems to be okay with that, but he didn't really answer when I asked how he felt about it.

Anyway, he reminds me of myself because he is a little on the chubby side, like I was, and one can tell he has a little bit of a self-esteem issue, though he seems to be the quiet comtemplative type rather than the in-your-face attention getting type - again, much like me.

What really impressed me was his approach to the Zunga. He had a tough time during the first free time period, and it seemed like no matter what he did he just couldn't hold onto the rope long enough to get anywhere. I can relate to that, I probably couldn't have either when I was 10. But Tristan (or T-Man, as I have taken to calling him) refused to give up, no matter how many giant faces full of water he got, and during the second free time, he came back, and again had some trouble. But then, much like I might have done, he gave it a little thought and figured out that if he stuck the knot at the end of the rope between his legs in a particular fashion (we all worried about the safety of his apparatus at this point), he could get a full swing and then jump off at the end, for massive air. Once he figured that out there was just no stopping the guy and he started to get creative, doing around-the-worlds and cannon-balls. Yeah, he suffered the odd back flop on occasion, which clearly stung like a mother-something, but he sucked it up and kept going.

I'd like to think it was at least partially due to my encouragement, but either way it was cool to see.

After that, there was a "wide game" in which the kids had to take paper "passports" around to various "countries" (stations) and get them stamped and they would get points for every full passport they brought back. The staff, however, were pirates with water guns who got to run around shooting the kids (and cabin leaders), and if a player was hit by a pirate one of their stamps would get crossed out and they would start again.

Anyway, at some point the cabin leaders revolted and started grabbing water guns for themselves and fighting back against the pirates. Much soaking of said pirates (myself included) ensued, and fun was had by all.

Our set tonight was incredible on many levels. We were just totally connecting as band and all of us were jumping up and down all throughout a bunch of songs, which the kids totally got into. I was so sweaty by the end of - actually our guitar player had to change his shirt, but I contented myself with three glasses of water and a little time outside :)

Dinner was great - roast beef, fries and veggies with gravy. Can't say no to that. And mug up, which I just recently partook of, consisted of delicious chicken wings..

So anyway, it is going well so far. Tomorrow I get to enjoy a 2 hour shift in the dish pit. Looking forward to that, not.

More tomorrow! Ciao!

Camp Journal : Day Three (Part 1)

2006-07-24T11:05:00.000-07:00

So here I am, sitting on a wooden chair underneath the shade of shade of trees with a nice cool breeze coming off of the lake, which is about a stone's throw to my left. Hands down, the best place I've ever blogged from before :)

The day has been pretty good so far - up at 6:45 AM, which tricked me into thinking it may actually be cooler today than yesterday. Not so, by the way. We played a set during morning chapel which the kids seemed to like. Fingers are feeling marginally better, but I'm going to have to blitz it with alcohol swabs to try and get rid of the little blisters before they turn into big blisters.

Well, it looks like the lake just opened up for swimmers, so I guess that'll be all for now!

Camp Journal : Day Two (Part 2)

2006-07-23T21:53:00.000-07:00

Heat Status: Hot as... well, hot anyway.

Finger Status: Tentative, starting to hurt, small blisters forming.

Fun Status: Good!

So yeah, today is just about over.. gotta be in bed with lights out at about 11:00pm. I really hope its a little cooler in there tonight because last night was just plain brutal.

Went swimming again today, which was great - exactly what was needed and very refreshing - the lake out here is great, and the water is the perfect temperature. Unfortunately we had to wait for awhile as all of the campers arrived today and had to have their swimming evaluation in order to receive a yellow wristband, which entitles them to use the deep part of the swimming area. Staff had to be evaluated as well, but I never did, so instead I signed a "Death Waiver". The way I figure, I'm going to go swimming either way, and if I die it really makes no difference whether I am wearing a yellow wristband or not.

The music went fairly well today - we played three times, once in the morning, for the staff, then in the afternoon, mercifully in the shade, while the campers were arriving. It was unplugged so I just sang and "played" the tambourine. Then we played again for the evening chapel. That doesn't include our 2 or 3 practices, however. I have to say that as hot as it might get in SPC on sunday mornings I have never felt heat like this while playing. I was worried for a few minutes that I might lose it, as I was sweating and just feeling overall not very good, but I made it through. Then I had diharrea afterwards. Yum!

Anyway, everyone is proving to pretty nice and in some cases super nice. The two music team people that I didn't know very well before are great and we are all getting along well and playing well together.

Did I mention that the food around here is really, really good? Last night we had turkey dinner, this morning eggs, sausage, bacon, etc, for lunch it was sandwiches and various forms of salad and for dinner it was spaghetti, caesar salad and foccacia bread. I'm liking it.

Well that's all I have to report for now.

Camp Journal : Day Two (Part 1)

2006-07-23T08:09:00.000-07:00

As predicted, sleeping was a bit of a pain. I swear the temperature around here was only marginally lower when I went to bed than it was during the day, and my cheap-o Wal-Mart itchy-blanket and sweaty-pillow certainly didn't help much. That combined with the rubber "mattress" and the fact that our door was open with red light from the nearby 'Exit' sign made falling asleep a tricky endeavour at best. I was worried at first that the loud fan noise coming from across the hall would also be a problem, but the giant fan (we all had our doors open) mercifully shunted some air our way, and I think the white noise helped somewhat.

In any case, here I am, showered and en-spikened, looking out over a beautifully serene lake surrounded by wooded mountains with the melodic sound of "John the Revelator", as sung by Dan, echoing out of the Alder Grove Room behind me. Life could be a lot worse.

Did I mention that the food around here is pretty good? We had turkey dinner last night with mashed potatoes, stuffing and two different kinds of salad, and apple crumble with vanilla ice cream for dessert. Yeah, I'm really suffering, seriously.

:)

Camp Journal : Day One (Part 1)

2006-07-22T19:34:00.000-07:00

It has been an interesting day, and not just the Camp part either. The day started much as I would have thought it would - waking up at home and giving Lisa a quick ride to work. I lounged around for awhile and packed and then went to have lunch with Lisa on her break, and took the dog. While we were having lunch this cute little black lab puppy (maybe about a year old) comes wandering down the street, minus owner. I thought she had been with someone but then the guy just ditched her and she was wandering around downtown Sidney all confused.

So, long story short, after we realized that her owner was not coming for her, Lisa and I decided we would bring her to our house until someone claimed her. Poor thing - Baron doesn't seem to like her much, although I think being that was leashed to the table and unable to move anywhere he was feeling defensive, and at one point he bit her on the nose, and gave her a little war wound, that doesn't seem too serious. When I left for camp, little 'India' as I have dubbed her, was tied up in our backyard in the shade, with some water. Sweet little thing.. I kinda hope nobody claims her, if I'm being honest.

So anyway, the ride up to camp was pretty well what one would expect in a van with windows that don't really work and no A/C. I was informed on the way up that apparently there was going to be no bedding - we were supposed to bring our own. Apparently I missed that memo, funny that no one mentioned it both times the camp staff met. Anyway, I ended up stopping off at a Wal-Mart in Duncan and bought a cheap sheet, blanket and pillow as well as a towel, which was another thing I had been assuming they would have. So yeah, anyway it should all work out now.

As I was saying, the van ride was, shall we say warm, but not as bad as could have been expected, despite the fact that today was one hell of a scorcher. 34 degrees or something crazy like that. Once we got here it got better though, however the temperature in my room seems like it may be prohibitive in regards to sleeping. We'll see.

If you see a post on here at 2Am you'll know there's a problem. Much to my delight, however, I've discovered that there is wireless internet here, so I'll be able to keep in touch when I'm not playing bass, manning the lake-swing thing, or performing any of the other various duties given to the music team. Also, I should get a fair amount of time to do some writing, which is why I brought the laptop up here to begin with.

Speaking of fun, I just got back from having a dip in the lak which, after the van ride, equipment setup and just generally overbearing heat up here, was a wonderful, wonderful thing.

Well, that's about it for now, I may post again later.. as if anyone even reads this anymore :/

And now, the Question burning in the Hearts and Minds of Christendom all across the globe: Who will be the next Kingdom of Heaven Idol??!!

2006-05-17T08:20:00.000-07:00

Yes, it really is the burning question on the hearts and minds of Christians all over, and apparently has been since the beginning, when the original twelve asked this very same question of Jesus. So, who is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven, anyway?

Jesus didn't have any qualms about calling them out, either:

"Then he said, "I assure you, unless you turn from your sins and become as little children, you will never get into the Kingdom of Heaven. Therefore, anyone who becomes as humble as this little child is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven." Matt 18: 3-4

Maybe this is why I always feel so irked when I see the quintessential professional pastor with his dark suits, silk ties and perfectly coiffed and inhumanly perky wife, standing in front of ten-thousand people in a gigantic amphitheatre of a church (the cost of which probably could have built housing for 50,000 orphans in Africa or something, I might add), trying so hard to be such a grown up.

It is the very same "spirit", if you will, as what one sees in the typical catholic priest - the self-declared "father", who arrogantly believes himself a more perfect vessel of God's word than the simple parishoners whose calling it is to treat him like the mini-God of his cathedral, imparting blessings and taking them away, forgiving sins or not, as he sees fit.

Sometimes I really believe that the God I believe in is a vastly different kind of being than the thing that most Christians worship .. and if I didn't know better I would think that hardly anyone ever actually read the gospels, but instead subsist on things they have heard about it, or the officially sanctioned doctrines of their "church".

Clearly, Jesus is not interested in all the pomp and ceremony, he just wants someone who will put his arms up and say "Abba!". I struggle with this, with being a child, sometimes, though I make it an intentional habit to always be myself when I am at church, or being in the company of Christians. I very specifically do not dress myself up, or make my spikes one iota smaller, for the occassion, because this is who I am, and that is what God wants.

Because at the end of the day, we are NOT contestants on any kind of Idol show, and it is not the opinions of some celestial Simon Cowell, nor the votes of the rest of Christendom that will determine our path or success. On American Idol, the contestants have to exist behind masks of popular culture and live at the mercy of whatever America is into this week. The ones who really make a stand for what they believe in never make it to the end, and that's a shame, because there is more value in one artist doing what they really love, than a thousand American Idols working for America's collective approval.

Similarly, there is more to be said for one raggamuffin, fringey, disenfranchised soul, giving up his meagre gifts back to God and being happy in that, than in a thousand professional evangelists with their expensive churches, expensive images and expensive spouses.

The Animal I Have Become

2006-04-30T14:19:00.000-07:00

I don't know why, but this song speaks to me, and I think these are feelings that we can all echo on some level. It doesn't hurt that the song friggin' rocks as well ^_^

Three Days Grace - The Animal I Have Become

I can't escape this hell
So many times i've tried
But i'm still caged inside
Somebody get me through this nightmare
I can't control myself

So what if you can see the darkest side of me?
No one would ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal

I can't escape myself
So many times i've lied
But there's still rage inside
Somebody get me through this nightmare
I can't control myself

So what if you can see the darkest side of me?
No one would ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal

Somebody help me through this nightmare
I can't control myself
Somebody wake me from this nightmare
I can't escape this animal

Jesus, the Hater??!!

2006-03-07T08:11:00.000-08:00

I cannot believe what I am seeing on the news today. Or, rather, I can believe it, and it makes me feel disgusted with "Christianity" on behalf of non-believers everywhere. This is disgraceful, and I cannot believe that any person who claims to believe in and follow the teachings of Christ and the Gospel could do something so insensitive and hateful as this in the name of something so petty as persecuting gay people. Not EVEN persecuting gay people, in fact, but persecuting straight people in lieu of gay people. Straight people who are mourning the loss of loved ones, no less. http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/03/06/btsc.lavandrera.funerals/index.html

So what these so-called "Christians" would have us believe is that Christ came all this way down to Earth, and shed his blood to cover ALL the sins of the world so that his followers can take up the holy mission of driving around the country protesting the FUNERALS of dead soldiers, not because they were gay even, but because they fought for America and America accepts gay people. These are dead mean with families - wives, children and parents.

"You can't preach the Bible without preaching the hatred of God." says the self-described "old-time" pastor who leads the various members of his family on his hateful crusade against what? Grieving wives and mothers? My hat is off to you, Reverend Phelps, you are a true soldier of God. When called you to put on your army hat and go kick those poor orphaned children in the teeth, you accepted without a moment's hesitation! You sir, are as Christlike as they come!

"Stop judging others, and you will not be judged. For whatever measure you use in judging others, it will be used to measure how you are judged." Matt 7:1-2

I really hope it is.. I really hope it is.

Smoke, Mirrors and Popoff

2006-02-27T20:23:00.000-08:00

Just to let you know, I'm not actually going to waste an entire post on Peter Popoff (believe me, the guy ain't worth it), but moreso to address the spirit in which people like Peter Popoff are operating.

Its funny how much applicable truth you can find in the Bible if you look just a little bit. Some of you who know me may have noticed that I can get a little bit caught up in being frustrated over all of the irrationally blind things that people do because they are deceived to the truth that a lot of Christians (including myself, apparently) take for granted.

The latest big thing, of course, was my pseudo-political rant about the whole Danish/Moslem cartoon thing (the violence continues to escalate, I might add), which, though I still find it entirely unbelievable, I am well aware that the existance of religious double-standards should come as no surprise - the spirits run deep in this kind of thing, and the world can't help but be deceived. I guess that is sort of the definition of "the world" in a lot of ways. And it doesn't come as a surprise, but like many things, it irks me. Yes it does, and its not alone.

Something that has mystified, infuriated and frustrated me in equal parts since time immemorial is the existance and apparent power of the charlatan: the psychics, the mediums and the phony faith healers. All are operating under the same premise and power, namely the devil. All depend upon the fragile emotions of hurting people to add digits to their bank accounts and worst yet, all of these pervert and twist the character of God, preventing their victims from ever knowing the REAL father, and from knowing true freedom. For those who see through these sheisters, they are often lumped together with real believers and thus the gap is widened between the skeptics and the truth.

I think the worst of these, in my mind, are the phony faith healers (ala Peter Popoff). Deceitful men (and women - Peter Popoff's wife is a key player in his deceptions) who call upon the name of Jesus to "heal" people, while gluing their hands firmly into the pockets of their followers. And yet there are circumstances in which they demonstrate the power to produce the signs, wonders and in some cases miracles to back up their lies. Why? How can these deceivers have the power to do such things? This is a question that has always bothered me. I was always under the impression that only Christ could empower people to do things like that, and it bugged me.

Funny how, after reading a mere 7 chapters into the gospels that this, like a great many of the irksome things that go on in the world, that this very thing is so directly addressed by Jesus. Check this out (I love the way the NLT puts this):

21"Not all people who sound religious are really godly. They may refer to me as `Lord,' but they still won't enter the Kingdom of Heaven. The decisive issue is whether they obey my Father in heaven. 22On judgment day many will tell me, `Lord, Lord, we prophesied in your name and cast out demons in your name and performed many miracles in your name.' 23But I will reply, `I never knew you. Go away; the things you did were unauthorized.' " Matt 7:21-23

I love that - "the things you did were unauthorized". That just sums it up so perfectly for me. So, to sum it up - Peter Popoff, Reverend Moon, Miss Chloe, Ramtha and all the rest of the devil-powered miracle workers in the world may be able to do some genuinely amazing things, but without the authorization that comes from Christ for such things, all they really have is a lot of smoke and mirrors.

Babbling in Tongues?

2006-02-23T12:40:00.000-08:00

Okay, this is MEANT to be a shorty, in my mind. We'll see how it actually plays out.

So, I feel as though I have often been criticised (perhaps not vocally, and perhaps it is mostly myself that is to blame) for being less visual about my faith, or not as emotively engaged in worship.

Admittedly, I'm not that comfortable with overt signs of outward emotion in this regard, and I can't pin down exactly why that is. It comes out in my relationships - most people who know me can probably tell you that I tend not to react to things a lot of the time, whether they be negative or positive things. If a close friend tells me about something great they have accomplished, I am not the person who is going to jump up and down and scream with excitement, though I am likely doing so inside for them. The same could be said about tragedy - if somebody close to me were to die, I probably wouldn't cry or be outwardly distressed about it, whatever I feel on the inside. Again, not sure why - I think part of it may be the result of me having been damaged at some point in my life.

What I am learning though, is that a lot of this simply is because this is the way that I am. I do things and process things differently than a lot of people - I prefer quiet, inward (and usually slow) contemplation over outward manifestations of joy. I derive greater satisfaction from really chewing something over and appreciating it in my mind than I do in blowing off steam. If this sometimes gives off the impression that I am being disingenuous, well that bothers me, because I'm really not!

As I started off saying, this translates largely into my spiritual life - I'm not the throwing-my-hands-up-in-the-air-halleluiah! kind of person. I've tried, and it doesn't feel natural - it just isn't me. I don't particularly like getting in front of a group of people and spiritualizing, or blubbing or falling over or whatever it is that people apparently are supposed to do when they are being "spiritual".

Me, I think about things a lot. I have often wondered if something was wrong with me (as, I am aware, have others), however it brings me great pleasure and contentment to read these words of Jesus and know that he knew where I am coming from.

"And now, about prayer. When you pray, don't be like the hypocrites who love to pray publicly on street corners and in the synagogues where everyone can see them. I assure you, that is all the reward they will ever get. But when you pray, go away by yourself, shut the door behind you, and pray to your Father secretly. Then your Father, who knows all secrets, will reward you.
"When you pray, don't babble on and on as people of other religions do. They think their prayers are answered only by repeating their words again and again. Don't be like them, because your Father knows exactly what you need even before you ask him!" Matt 6:5-8

/rant off

2006-02-10T09:44:00.000-08:00

I feel compelled to offer apologies for the level of vitriol that came out of my previous little rant there.. what started out as a simple venting of frustrations quickly turned into a monster of the kind of scale previously only achieved by Godzilla, or perhaps Mothra.

In any case, I am loathe to continue feeding the rant monster with the bloody carcasses of my dearest friends, so I am turning him off. That's right, off. Thanks to the incredible technology contained in my monster control collar I can deactivate the beast within with a few simple keystrokes. So in the name of Peace, Democracy and Friendly Banter --

/rant off

I don't mean to be an alarmist, but..

2006-02-07T11:46:00.000-08:00

.. what in the hell is wrong with people??!

I am so bloody sick and tired of how much ridicule Christianity garners around the world - what is it that we ever did to make so many people so badly deride us? Yes, I can understand that some people like to think they don't believe in God, or maybe they believe in a different god, or maybe they think that people who believe in God are doing so as a mean of allaying our fear of death or fate.

I can understand those attitudes, I really can. But why, oh why, do so many people put so much effort into mocking and ridiculing Christianity? Why is it that anytime a muslim imam, or a hindu priest, or a buddhist monk is depicted on TV or the movies, they are played by talented dramatic actors and portrayed as wise, deeply spiritual and sagely, with unshakeable faith and hearts of gold, while the vast majority of Christians one sees are all played for laughs by some moronic, barely-even-qualifies-as-comedic character actor and portrayed as hyper-spastic, time-forgotten, patriarchal, domineering, under-handed and closed-minded familial dictators who subscribe to extreme forms of corporal punish administered to the entire family, all accompanied by the most red-neck inspired southern accent imaginable??!!

Even better is when the character actor in question is an outspoken atheist, anti-Christian, gay activist(the kind that believe that all people are really gay inside and that all church related notions are complete garbage), etc, etc, and the Christian or Minister character is a closet homosexual/pedophile/mysogynist/all of the above. And people eat it up - they think its absolutely hilarious! "How dare those dang Christians act all sacred about their beliefs?!" one might ask.

I suppose it should be no surprise when I heard that Britney Spears was slated to appear on Will & Grace as the ridiculous host of a "Christian" cooking show called "Cruci-fixin's", in an episode in which a Christian broadcaster takes over a gay-themed TV Network and starts making changes to the roster. http://www.cnn.com/2006/SHOWBIZ/TV/02/01/people.spears.ap/

And surprise, surprise a group described as a "Conservative Christian Organization" lodged a complaint, for which they were, subsequently derided by the public. Hell, if I was in a position to lodge a complaint, I would too - its ridiculous that they can get away with that, and even more-so that Christians come off looking like the closed-minded bad guy in the scenario. But did we stage a riot, or burn the American flag, or attacked the U.S. embassy in protest?! No - we lodged a complaint. What a bunch of jerks we are.

Seriously though, I don't even want to imagine the kind of religio-political backlash that might occur if, for instance, some independant newspaper published a funny cartoon about the prophet Muhammed - after all, while Muhammed may be no more sacred to his respective followers than Christ is to his, Muhammed, being a muslim prophet, must be taken seriously at all times, unlike anything related to Christianity.

Just imagine the chaos - my conservative (not really, but you see my point) Christian mind can conceive of unimaginable numbers of angry letters written to that newspaper, and maybe even peaceful protests by Danish muslims outside the doors of their office. This is a serious issue. Heck, I might even write a letter to the government of Denmark just to make sure that my opinions were heard.

Apparently, though, when you are a muslim and your beliefs have been mocked, you have a lot more in your arsenal than words to fling against those who have insulted you with words or cartoons. It is apparently somehow justified for muslims to burn Danish flags and attack / set fire to Danish embassies (apparently any European embassy is fair game, now) with molotov cocktails and rocks and who knows what else. For some reason it is okay for them to stage massive riots and kill people as well. http://www.cnn.com/2006/WORLD/asiapcf/02/07/cartoon.protests/index.html

Please don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to colour all muslims as violent and insane - I've been friends with muslim people who I greatly respected and respect to this day, but I have to honestly wonder why the world is so caught up in making fun of Christians.

We may well be stuck up and religious and prideful and all of those other things, but no Christian I've ever heard of has ever flown an airliner into the side of a building, or organized suicide bombings for no other reason than to kill as many of the heathens as we can. People may call the United States under President Bush a theocracy, but hey, unlike some Islamic states (Saudi Arabia, for on), they haven't started imprisoning, torturing and publicly beheading people of other religions quite yet.

And so I remain, baffled by the idiocy that is public opinion. In all honesty, I do not believe that Christians are better people than people of other religions, or that we are somehow less capable of doing horrible things, but the fact is that we AREN'T doing those horrible things, and yet the world still delights in hating us. I suppose Jesus warned us, but when I see things like this Will & Grace fiasco side-by-side with this Danish Cartoon thing on the news, and the Christians are still made to look like the bigger idiots, I just can't help but be a little bit confused.

Thank you for tolerating my incoherent rantings and ravings. I promise I'll get better :)

There's Passion, and then there's PASSION

2006-01-20T11:20:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine who is teaching a young adult's class on the topic of Passion, asked me for my thoughts on the subject just a few minutes ago, and I thought I would share those on here as well.

It is interesting actually that just last night I attended a talk on the subject of the Importance of Male Friendships, and the speaker (Mr. David Bentall) explained that he really isn't a very relational person - he describes himself as a "Task-Oriented Functionary" who had to put a lot of effort into learning how to build and maintain a frienship. It is a concept that I think applies to all kinds of things, including this.

So here is what I told my friend about Passion:

* * *

I think the idea of passion is highly misunderstood by most people as being simply a strong feeling about something, but I think there is a lot missing from that definition. Passion, to me, involves two things, one of them is the emotional feeling you have about whatever it is you are passionate about. Of course, feelings of passion cause you to feel excited and moved by whatever it is, which is important, but not always necessary. The other part of passion involves commitment and practice.

I'm sure that somewhere in a person's mind they recognize these two things, but in my experience, 99% of the people on earth seem to emphasize FEELING passionate or being passionately committed, and I think that in reality this is very backwards. Ideally, both of those things should be present, but if you have to have one without the other, committment will win every time.

Case in point - my writing. I felt very passionate about the idea of writing a novel for probably 5 or 6 years. I pondered it passionately and dreamt about it passionately and talked about it passionately with other people. I even gave myself the title of "writer" or "novelist" during that period. And yet, for all my feelings of passion, I hadn't written a single word of my book. With that kind of passion alone, I could never succeed at the very thing I was most passionate about, because I would never get it off the ground.

There came a point where I thought to myself "okay - I have all these passionate ideas about what I'd like to write, but for some reason I just haven't done it - I need to learn how to make this more than just something I feel passionate about, but also something that I DO passionately." So I started my blog and made a start. I had forced myself to put something in place that would force me to DO something with my passionate feelings. But it wasn't enough. At the rate I was going, it would take me 30 years to finish my book, because my feelings of passion for it ebbed and flowed, as they must do naturally. When they were flowing, I'd write like a madman, and when they were ebbing I'd be on hiatus for weeks or months at a time.

And this is where I taught myself to not only feel passionately about what I was doing, but to passionately commit to it. I committed to devoting every lunch hour I had to going around the corner to Radar's Roost and writing for that time. That simple act of committment has made all the difference, not only in the quantity and speed, but also in the quality of my writing.

My feelings of passion still come and go, but because I am passionately committed to what I am doing, I still get it done, every lunch hour. Every lunch hour, whether I feel like it or not, I go sit down with my laptop and I write. During times when both the feeling and the committment are working together wonderful things happen, but when the feeling is gone, the passion remains.

Love is a very similar idea. There are feelings of love, which come and go (after three years of marriage I can attest to the fact that those lovey-dovey feelings are absent more often than present a lot of the time), but the TRUE definition of love is not a feeling at all, it is a committment which remains.

People who have affairs often blame this on the "passion of the moment", but I think this is a complete cop-out. What they were feeling wasn't passion, it was lust, hormones and a lack of commitment not only to their spouse, but to the person they were sleeping around with and to God.

So I guess what I am saying is that in order for passion to endure, we do need to LEARN how to make it stay, even when we don't feel like it.

The Way we Were..

2005-10-28T10:31:00.000-07:00

"It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, to prepare God's people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ." Eph 4:11-13

This is a picture of how the church was meant to work, and how it was conducted in its earliest (and purest) form. In modern circles it is referred to as the 5-fold ministry, or 5 areas of apointment (thanks to Richard for this little bit of commentary). Notice that each of the 5 assignements seems given to equal important, and in fact the language of the verse indicates (to me at least) that the body was meant to be run with each of these aspects in its proper focus. Just as a physical body cannot function without a brain, a heart, lungs, stomach and bowels, so the church cannot properly run without these five components working in their proper place.

The word 'pastor' used in this passage, by the way, is in the original greek - 'poimen' which means shepherd. This is a vastly different concept than the people we now know as 'pastors'. So what happened?!

99% of Christians go to a "church". 99% (not an exact statistic, but I would say it is a conservative estimate, if anything) of "churches" subsist on a "pastor" who teaches on sunday mornings and occasionally visits people throughout the week when they are sick, or to "touch base", but there isn't a really cohesive sense of actual pastoring (shepherding) between "pastor" and congregant unless there is a decided need for it, such as being sick, or with the recent and disturbing events at my usual gathering, which prompted our "pastor" to pay a visit.

Now don't get me wrong, I love our "pastor", and I think he does an incredibly good job at the role in which in he is in. I consider him a friend and a man of God, but having a relationship with a person that consists of seeing them once a week (and only if I decide to go to "church"), usually while they are preaching to the congregation, can hardly be considered the same as the shepherding relationship we see as being the pastor's role in the Bible. A Pastor is someone who exists in your day-to-day life as a mentor or a guide. Someone who really knows you and walks alongside. Clearly this is not what the modern-day "pastor" is for.

I get a picture of the new testament churches being extremely lively and unpredictable much of time, with new people constantly coming in to teach the congregation about new and exciting revelations of God. It was probably impossible to ever hear the same teaching twice because there was always something new happening in the spirit.

At the same time you would have prophets in the gathering who would be hearing from God and sharing this with gathering, or maybe praying over people IN the prophetic, and this would be every bit as important as the teaching. You would have evangelists who would be engaging unbelievers in RELATIONAL evangelism - being a friend and a helper and evangelising through everyday life first, and through words last, and only when needed.

There would be apostles (aka missionaries) and these would be sent out not only to other countries but into our own communities - into the slums and dark places, and all over, as God led. And then, walking alongside the congregation would be the pastors, quietly ministering, guiding and counselling those under his care, through life, not just through church services.
A very different dynamic exists today.

Instead of the original 5-fold ministry where everyone was annointed with one of the five appointments and each was just as important as all the others, albeit having different roles, we have turned it into a 1-fold ministry where the "pastor" is the king of the castle - a bastard cross of the biblical appointments of teacher/preacher and evangelist, while apostles, prophets and shepherds are generally relegated to the "lay-person" category, or don't really factor into the equation for most Christians.

In my life, there are pastors - people who walk alongside with an air of experience who not only serve as mentors and guides, but as friends and confidantes. People with whom I can share things that I would never tell a deacon, or an intercessor or even my "pastor". It would be nice if we could call apples apples and oranges oranges, and recognize the differences as well as the value of each in the balanced diet that should be our church. Personally, I'm tired of having a steady diet of macaroni and cheese, but I'll write more about that a little later.

Absentee Poster??!

2005-09-19T13:02:00.000-07:00

Okay, so it would appear I have been out of the blogging loop for quite some time, but I can explain - honestly I can!

A few updates..

I've been super busy at work - recently got promoted into a whole new arena and it is the busiest I have ever been since working here. Good, but hella busy!

Most of my free writing time has been spent on the novel, which has been renamed (permanently this time, I am fairly certain) to "Truestar's Fire". If I ever want to get anything published I've gotta put the nose to the grindstone in that area for sure.

Lisa and Ron and I went camping up at Strathcona (Ralph River) with Baron and had a jolly old time - Baron, as it turns out, is a capital swimmer, though I think we tired him out between all the of the kong retrieval, swimming and the icey cold glacier water, as he immediately demanded entry into our tent and slept for about 15 hours straight upon our return to camp.

Things within the community at SPC have started to see some redemption in areas that have been of great concern to me - this is truly a Godsend, but I will post more on that another time.

Also, Lisa and I are hopelessly addicted to CSI .. we've been renting the DVDs like they were going out of style and watched 6 episodes on saturday alone. That night I dreamt that I was part of the team. What can I say, it is a good show. Anyway, that's all for now.. I have some real meaty posts brewing that will hopefully be posted soon - stay tuned boys and girls!

A Sound of Thunder

2005-08-15T09:35:00.000-07:00

Can you feel it? A deep rumbling coming from the very foundations of the Church. A change is on its way - a movement of God to usher his people into deeper relationship and deeper truth. Some are calling it the Next Reformation - just as the modern era ushered in the end of the domination of the Roman Catholic religion and the entry into denominational, charismatic expressions of Church, now the modern era has ended and we are being ushered into the post-modern. While the modern Church sought to erect artificial walls, structures and organizations (i.e. denominations) and started to "do church" instead of "be church", the post-modern now seeks to breaks those artificual structures apart - to effect relationships in place of divisions. Some people also use the image of a brand new generation of Church that is the process of Emerging - the state of being Emergent.

There is a kind of freedom involved - a step away from being religionists and toward being simply Christian. That is to say human, flawed, sinful - and yet forgiven, redeemed and related both to God and to each other. Instead of sunday-morning preaching (where a large group of people get together inside the walls of a building in order to act as audience while one person talks about what is on his or her heart) being the primary mode of expounding truth, the emphasis is starting to become focused on a conversation (a dialogue between two or more people that allows for the hearts of all involved to be expressed equally)- perhaps one that meanders throughout the week through emails or blogs, or by getting together with friends over dinner or coffee.

For just about a year now, I have been a part of "The Feast", which is an informal gathering of Christian people who just want to get together over coffee, sing some songs and talk about what is on our hearts this week. It has been remarkable to me how much more I get out of that simple meeting than I do out of sunday services at "church". Not that God is not moving within that community, but there is a feeling of boxiness about it. We have a great pastor who has a lot of really good things to say, but more often than not what is being preached on sunday doesn't meet me where I am at that day. Sometimes it meets me where I was at a month ago, or where I will be a month from now, and that's the problem - what is on my heart now needs to be addressed right now, and that can only happen through organic conversation among equals.

A few nights ago Lisa and I had our close friends, the Petries (Anna and Richard) over for steak and stuff (my new found BBQing skills we put to the test, but I rose to the challenge), and it was so good to just be able to (as Richard said) "let it all hang out." To talk about things that were going on in our lives - work, play, church, etc, all of it culminating in SNL's The Best of Will Ferrell Volume 1 ("I've got a fever.. and the only prescription is more cowbell! Say it babies!").

Over the past little while we have also had the opportunity to spend a lot of time with our friends the Coles (Ron, Colleen, Megan and Ashley), hanging out, watching movies, having coffee, eating chilli or trying to coax some semblance of service out of little seaside eateries. But most of all talking. There is a feeling of acceptance there - where we can say whatever we feel like saying, and they just listen. No judgements, no attempts at correction - just conversation. It felt so good to be able to just drawl on about our marital difficulties, fights and general dysfunction, or our sordid family histories and pasts (some of it, I will admit, is rather shocking) and NOT to get the usual knee-jerk reaction. Instead it is a feeling of knowing familiarity that says "yeah, we've been there too, in fact we're STILL there." That, to me, is what the idea of the conversation is all about.

We all have places in which we are right and strong, and places where we are wrong and weak. Conversation allows for us to understand where another soul is at in their walk and also be understood by others without having to become defensive about it. It allows for the ability to CHOOSE the right paths instead of being forced down them through shame and unacceptance of where we are right now. Richard said something quite insightly when speaking of a mutual friend - he said that though he did not always understand or agree with everything said by our friend, he chose to love him anyway, because "I see Christ in him."

So now the church of the modern era has a choice to make in the face of this oncoming shift into the post-modern era. The institution can choose to embrace God's deeper revelations and break down its own walls in preparation for the shaking of its foundation. Or it can build higher walls and large pillars and stubbornly hold onto an instituation that clearly (attendance in denominational churches has been dropping sharply since the 1970's) is in its death throes, and be broken in the upheaval.

This is starting to happen for me in a very personal way - my community is starting to be shaken in a very real and sometimes startling way. The cracks are starting to show in our walls and in our pillars, and the question remains - what will we do about it?

If These are the Pillars of the church, Its Time to Knock the House Down

2005-07-18T10:25:00.000-07:00

Pillar: A tall cylindrical vertical upright and used to support a building or other structure.

In religious terms, the word 'pillar' is often used to describe a person within the organization ("the church") who has been in the "church" for a particularly long time and/or is a staunch supporter of the ideals of the congregation. Pillars usually enjoy a fair amount of influence, especially when it comes to the politics behind that generally define the denominational church's inner workings.

By 'politics' I mean this: In order to have any kind of say in what the typical denominational "church" does, what it stands for or what programs it offers, one must become a "member" of the "church" in order to receive the ability to vote on any of these things. Before one can become a "member" they usually are required to stand in front of the congregation and publicly commit to some kind of "church" creedo or agree to follow certain rules and uphold this or that.

By 'influence' I mean this: A pillar is usually one of these "members" and often has an inordinate ability to get what they want whenever a vote occurs on various issues that occur on a regular basis (i.e. whether or not to spend money on some new-fangled piece of technological wizardry or sell the antediluvian organ that has been gathering dust in the basement for a hundred years.) Another way that a pillar gains influence is by acting as a role model of sorts either by way of other members of the congregation who lift them into that position or by acting themselves as though they have won some kind of "Pentecostal Idol" competition.

Let us not forgot as well that there is power in numbers - a Pillar is rarely alone. It is not uncommon for an entire family to be the "pillars of the church", a scenario typified by the ability of someone to attend any random church event, throw a rock up into the air and have an extremely high probability of hitting someone from said family. This can also extend from family into cliques, and that is where the real fun begins.

A clique is very dangerous to the unity of the body because of the simply fact that a clique implies exclusivity, which is the opposite of inclusivity. If one can assume that inclusivity is necessary in order to have unity, then a clique is an extremely effective of shutting down unity. It goes beyond simply having a group of close friends that you hang out with all the time. I have one of those and it is a great thing. A clique is more like a social club that no one else is allowed to visit. Of course in a congregational setting, you can't really get away with overtly telling people to get lost (at least I certainly hope not), so a church clique does this in more subtle ways. Sure, they'll invite everyone to their prayer gatherings, worship services and dinner parties and maybe they'll even seem friendly for a little while. Until you do something that rubs their religious sensibilities the wrong way like say something controversial or wear too much (or too little) makeup, or have a foible of some kind. Then suddenly you find yourself wandering around in a daze seeing a lot of people's backs. But hey, we have a head office or a diocese to keep in mind - we can't let the inmates start running the asylum now can we?

So we come back to the pillars. As I said before, a pillar is something that we use to hold up a building or a structure. This could also be translated as "organization" or "institution". All of these words imply the putting up of walls, either to keep the bad people OUT of our "church", or perhaps to keep the good people IN?

So here is the question - what is the point of a ministry when revelation is replaced by church programs and submission to God is replaced by politics? How frightened should we be when a pastor's primary concern isn't leading his sheep to the place God has set out for them, but reporting to the organization about why he isn't meeting his goal for church membership and service attendance this month?

A pillar sounds great in theory, and as long as we keep the outside looking tall and strong - maybe slap on a new coat of paint every so often. But what happens when the insides are rotten? Eventually the ugly interior can no longer hide behind a new coat of paint, and the building threatens to topple. While the "faithful" rush to hold it up as if nothing at all were wrong, those who come truly seeking the face of God realize they aren't as safe as they thought they were, and they run for the hills.

What does the Bible tell us we are individuals, standing under the strength of personal virtue? Nothing. "God saved you by his special favor when you believed. And you can't take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it. " (Ephesians 2:8-10)

What can we become as equal parts of the body of Christ? Everything. Conquerors. More than conquerors even. "..until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ. Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work." (Ephesians 4:13-16)

We need to pull down the dividing walls and stop raising people up into pillars. Smash down the little building that is "our church" and let the light of day back in. Then maybe we'd have something worth calling the church.

BTK: Child of God?

2005-06-29T16:42:00.000-07:00

By now we all know that Dennis Rader, the congregation president of a lutheran church in Wichita, a man who has been described as "devoutly Christian", is also the BTK (an acronym that stands for his preferred modus operandi: Bind, Torture and Kill) Killer. A few days ago, Rader pleaded guilty to 10 counts of murder in the first degree and calmly described the horrible acts that ended the lives of 10 unsuspecting and seemingly random victims. All this, by Rader's admission, was done to satisfy his "sexual fantasies", whatever that means.

The natural response to hearing this kind of news (certainly it was my first response and I'm not sure that I don't still feel the same way) is to despise this obviously sick and disturbed individual as some kind of inhuman monster who has coated the eternal slip n' slide to hell with the blood of his victims.

But how to we reconcile this with the idea that he was an active member of the church and still professes to being a Christian? The other members of his congregation must be going through agony right now, grappling with this question. He has been visited, as well, by his Pastor who said he would not turn his back on Dennis, no matter his crimes and that he would continue to support him as a brother in Christ, while also fully supported the actions of authorities on the case. The pastor also said something to the effect of "nobody is really that much different than Dennis - in the end we're all sinners."

I have to admit that while I can intellectually say with confidence that I am a sinner, in my heart I have trouble putting my own sins in the same category as this brutal serial killer, who routinely killed his victims by tying plastic bags over their heads and letting them suffocate to death.

Pastor Nagle of Wichita had some very interesting things to say:

"..But something amazing happened. Jesus stood outside Lazarus’ tomb and called out his name, and said to the dead man, “Lazarus, come out!” And he did come out. Much to the shock of the sisters, much to the horror of the crowd, much to the amazement of the disciples, much to the delight of Lazarus, Jesus turned everything around and brought the dead back to life.

And here’s a question: if Jesus could and did turn everything around and bring Lazarus of Bethany back to life, do you think Jesus can and will turn everything around and bring life to Dennis Rader, that pillar of the Lutheran Church in Wichita who is charged as a brutal serial killer? "

"..if the charges hold, we have to say that he was a sinner. A really really bad sinner. A sick and savage sinner. And likely, that’s so. But from our childhood, what have we learned in church? What do we sing in our hymns and read in our Bibles? Didn’t Jesus die for sinners? Yes—but (we protest) surely he didn’t die for that kind of sinner! But what does that mean—that we believe Jesus died only for the nice sinners? The little sinners? The clean and undisgusting sinners? It sounds as if what we say we believe and what we really believe are two different things."

Read the full article

It definately makes me think. But hey, apparently Jeffery Dahmer came to Christ before his murder in prison by a fellow inmate. Who knows, maybe Dennis Rader can be redeemed too.

I think Rader's pastor summed it up best when he said "If Dennis has done what they've alleged he did, then he must pay the price. It still does not have any effect on how I minister to him, I still will love him."

The devil Loves (to eat) Your Children

2005-06-28T18:08:00.000-07:00

"Teach your children to choose the right path, and when they are older, they will remain upon it." Proverbs 22:6 (NLT)

Although the scripture above is several thousand years old, it is perhaps even more applicable today that it was back in the day. I talk a lot about the world system because I have come to realize that it is an extremely cunning and sinister system of control and degradation that seeks to subtly destroy people. It is a conspiracy in the truest sense of the word, started right from day 1 by that old serpent back in the garden, and has continued to flourish in bigger and deeper ways to the point where these days even the strongest of Christ's disciples have trouble distinguishing God's ways from the world's ways.

While in White Rock over the weekend I was talking to Joan (Lisa's dad's girlfriend), who is a kindergarten teacher. She was telling us how things have changed over the past few years in the way that children are being taught.

I remember when kindergarten (and most of the early grades, for that matter) was all about learning how to interact socially, learn how to be creative and get kind of geared up to start learning. It is a very important stage in a child's life and social training is extremely important. I don't think I could read to any great degree, or do times tables until grade 2 sometime (actually I couldn't do those until about grade 6, but whatever), which seems about the right time to really start learning academically in a really serious way.

According to Joan the curriculum has been seriously changed over the past few years and even at the kindergarten level is VERY centred on literacy and numeracy, to the point now where there is no time for social interaction or playing. 5 year old children are now experiencing failure because, as Joan says and I agree with, the majority of children just don't have the mental development at that age to properly absorb the material. Some do and a lot do not - it has nothing to do with the child's intelligent, they simply aren't ready for that yet - and honestly why should they be?

Joan made the interesting comment that it is switch to a more Asian way of doing things. Interesting to note seeing as there are almost more Asian people in Vancouver now than any other ethinicity (including caucasian). Not that I would use a stereotype when dealing with individual people, but taking a look at cultural stereotypes can give a clue about cultural trends. It seems to me that Asian family life in general often characterized by a very unabalanced combination of diminutive, quiet and subservient women who are dominated and in some cases abused by wealthy and ruthless husbands.

This is just one symptom of a society that seems to value business and productivity over ethics and relationships and obviously teaches that to their children very early in life. When a young child's social development is put aside in favour of numbers and grades, what kind of adults are likely to grow out of that? It makes me wonder what kind of leaders we might have in twenty or thirty years.

Its not enough that children are bombarded with terrible messages coming from TV shows, movies, video games and the internet - now the very underpinings of their early education and development are being used against them. More than ever, parents must take an increasingly active and resonsible role in raising children, because if the parents won't do it there is a little red man with horns, hooves and pitchfork tail who is more than happy to teach them everything they need to know . . .

Apparently ..

2005-06-27T11:32:00.000-07:00

This is a pretty good survey being done by MIT. Not sure exactly what they are trying to accomplish but anything that gets more exposure for blogging is a good thing. If you are a fellow blogger, click on the button and go take the survey yourself.

What is YOUR Theological Worldview?

2005-06-16T11:26:00.000-07:00

So following along with my good pals Ron at The Weary Pilgrim and Casey over at Jacob's Generation , I decided to do this little quiz and find out what kind of Christian I am. I found the results to be pretty darned interesting actually...

You scored as Emergent/Postmodern. You are Emergent/Postmodern in your theology. You feel alienated from older forms of church, you don't think they connect to modern culture very well. No one knows the whole truth about God, and we have much to learn from each other, and so learning takes place in dialogue. Evangelism should take place in relationships rather than through crusades and altar-calls. People are interested in spirituality and want to ask questions, so the church should help them to do this.

Emergent/Postmodern

86%

Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan

82%

Reformed Evangelical

54%

Fundamentalist

50%

Neo orthodox

39%

Charismatic/Pentecostal

32%

Modern Liberal

29%

Classical Liberal

25%

Roman Catholic

What's your theological worldview?
created with QuizFarm.com

Breaking the Two Century Milestone

2005-05-25T11:34:00.000-07:00

For the past year and a bit I have been on a continuous quest to get healthier and rid myself of the stigma of diabetes. Because of my skepticism about the western medical system I have also gone out of my way to prove all of their "facts" about problems like diabetes wrong, and for the most part I have succeeded.

When I originally went to Dr. Forester he basically told me I would be stuck on medication for the rest of my life - a few quotes:

"You're not going to get out of this with some kind of special cook book, you know."

(After my refusal to take medication immediately) "This can have serious repercussions on your driver's license. If you were older I might feel obliged to report to the MVB that you were not controlling your blood sugar."

ME: "So is it type 1 or type 2?"
DR F: "Umm... I'd call it... type 1."
ME: "Even though I don't have any symptoms?"
DR F: "Well.. there are some who might call it type 2".
(For those who don't know, Types 1 and 2 are completely different disorders that share similar symptoms, although in all cases of type 1 the symptoms are acute and would result in death if not treated immediately with insulin injections. After diagnosing with Type 1 the Dr proceeded to prescribe metformin, which is a Type 2 medication and wouldn't do anything for type 1 except make it worse more than likely).

I wrestled for a long while about whether to take medication or not, but when I read this verse I knew what I needed to do :

"This is what the LORD says: Yours is an incurable bruise, a terrible wound. There is no one to help you or bind up your injury. You are beyond the help of any medicine. All your allies have left you and do not care about you anymore. I have wounded you cruelly, as though I were your enemy. For your sins are many, and your guilt is great. Why do you protest your punishment--this wound that has no cure? I have had to punish you because your sins are many and your guilt is great.

"But in that coming day, all who destroy you will be destroyed, and all your enemies will be sent into exile. Those who plunder you will be plundered, and those who attack you will be attacked. I will give you back your health and heal your wounds, says the LORD." Jeremiah 30:12-17

This spoke to me because diabetes is considered an incurable disease, one that I knew resulted in my poor lifestyle. Dr. Nielsen explained to me that often people become diabetic overnight - the body reaches a point where it becomes over-stressed with too much weight and unhealth and just switches into diabetic mode. This prompted me to start thinking that if the body can switch INTO diabetic mode, why couldn't it switch OUT OF diabetic mode?

The major part in my journey to cure myself has been losing weight. Weight is almost always connected to Type 2 diabetes and holistic health resources will say that losing weight is the only known way of curing it.

At my heaviest I was around 280 pounds. No wonder my body couldn't hack it. I have since lost a lot of weight and I have seen my blood sugar reading all return to normal. I feel healthier and better than ever since I can remember.

The other day (Sunday, I believe), I hit a milestone. I stood on the scale and saw the number 199.5 . For the first time in my life since high school I am under 200 pounds.

Praise God!

Book Update!

2005-05-20T15:18:00.000-07:00

Part 5 of the Prologue is ready for your reading pleasure - enjoy!

(for those of you who haven't read it in awhile I reccomend starting from the beginning or at least making sure you haven't skipped any parts).

http://sentinelstory.blogspot.com

Scarecrow

2005-05-13T17:11:00.000-07:00

I like how Meg over at The Tangled Void sometimes posts song lyrics so I figured I would get in on the act.

I was listening to some older Skillet tunes and came across this song whose words have always resonated with me somehow. It strikes me as being one of the most poignant and vulnerable prayers I think anyone can pray.

************************
SCARECROW

Hanging on a post in my dirty clothes
Try to concentrate on you but I keep forgetting

Safe enough to not let go
Scared enough to not release
Open up to drink the wind
You tear me up when you come in

Take me down, shake me out
Give me a brain so I might know you better

Hanging in the sun
Waiting for the rain
Saw a field catch on fire
I caught myself just watching

Safe enough to not let go
Scared enough to not release
Open up to drink the wind
You tear me up when you come in

Take me down, shake me out
Give me a heart that I might love you better

Hanging on a post just next to yours
I want to curse and spit
I weep aloud at your mercy

Take me down, shake me out
Give me a life that I might serve you better

Take me down, shake me out
Give me a life that I might serve you better.

Controversial Origins

2005-05-13T09:11:00.000-07:00

Last night I was watching a news type show on TV that was talking about the big fight going on in Kansas right now over what theory should be taught in school about the origins of life on Earth. There are three primary teachings - Creationism (which seems to also assume the existence of God), Evolution and Intelligent Design (which to me sounds like creationism on a smaller scale. I guess they figured God was too politically incorrect so they aren't stating WHO the intelligence was.)

This of course is not a new debate but it seems that in the case of Kansas they actually at one point had stopped teaching Evolution - at least I think that's how it went down. Evolutionists naturally fought back in an attempt to have their theory of choice taught as it is in most schools these days. So now these creationists and intelligent designists are (or were?) fighting to keep the theory of evolution out of schools.

Is it just me or does this seem really dumb to anyone else? Now I'm not going to pretend to be all ecumenical and "open minded" enough to say "those evolutionists could be right!" because as I'm sure most of you know, I don't believe in evolution. I am an extremely confident creationist because I do know that God exists and that he was behind all of creation.

Having said that, let's be fair about this - we're talking about school here, not "church", so why do all the Christians feel that teaching evolution is wrong? Its like we're so insecure and worried about REAL scientists knocking holes in our beliefs that we don't want anyone to know about the other theories out there. And the thing is, all three ideas ARE just that- theories. No one has ever been able to prove anything about where we come from. I believe in creation because I believe in God - it is a faith issue, not a science issue. I also happen to believe that science and the various laws of probability DO support the idea of creation, but I recognize that there is room in there for other theories.

Its not like the evolutionists are all a bunch of ignorant, lying snake-oil salesmen - they believe in evolution every bit as much as I believe in creation. But what happens when we fight about it? People become polarized - they pick a side and then just stick to it out of principle. People who might normally seek the truth instead become defenders of this theory or that theory.

To all you creationists out there who want to ban education on the theory of evolution or intelligent design - WHAT ARE YOU SO AFRAID OF!!?? Do you REALLY believe, or do you just THINK you believe? I believe in the power of the truth and I believe that a real truth seeker WILL find what he seeks, because God promised that. So don't be afraid of evolution and science and all the rest of it.

How about we start teaching all the theories and let everyone come to their own conclusions?

Our Goldfish, the PC Killer

2005-04-27T17:59:00.000-07:00

Yeah so we finally broke down and ordered a new computer from Dell. This is in response to our previous computer finally having a mental breakdown and committing suicide.

I say "suicide", however it is clear that foul play on the part of our fish was involved. I will now recount the horrific story as I recall it:

It was tuesday - yesterday. I returned home from work to find that the fish seemed hungry, so I decided to feed him. I successfully dropped some fish flakes into the tank, and then reached for the fish pellets (as I am told fish should be fed a variety of foods) with no idea of the horror that was about to begin. I dropped a few pellets into the tank and closed the lid. It was then, that hell and hades opened figuratively beneath my feet, engulfing me in flames so fierce I thought I might not make it.

Yes, that's right, I dropped the bag of pellets. They spilled from the bag, creating a pile of pellets on the carpet directly in front of and below the fish tank. I knew something had to be done immediately, so I rushed into the kitchen and grabbed the vaccuum cleaner. Rushing back into the office I proceeded to plug the vaccuum in and stepped on the on switch. At that very moment, time and space seemed suddenly to freeze as if the very rotation of the universe had been stopped inexorably by an invisible and yet omnipotent hand. The vaccuum did not turn on.. and furthermore, the computer (which heretofore had been left running almost constantly) had lost its power. I had tripped a breaker.

I ran down into the dungeon.. er basement, fighting against the cold drafts and damp cement that clawed at my skin like a drooling beast, hungry for all the warmth in my body. I reach the breakers without injury and found the errant switch, which I proceeded to reset. The sudden and yet unmistakable whine of the vaccuum echoed eerily from above.

I vaulted back upstairs and vaccuumed up the fish pellets, then turned off the vaccuum cleaner and turned my attention to the computer. Its power remained off, so I turned it back on and left it for a few minutes while it performed the inevitable dance called "Scandisk". After a few moments I returned, prepared to check my email only to find the screen completely blank except for a blinking cursor in the upper left hand corner.

I had seen this before - 3 times before the computer had died so, and each time I had resuscitated it by reinstalling the operating system overtop of the current configuration. So I did this. With baited breath I restarted the computer after completing the reinstallation.. and a blinking cursor stared back at me from the upper left corner of the screen.

It was then I knew that there was no going back for our wounded computer. I had been too slow, and the computer's soul had entered its final resting place.

I looked over at the fishtank and there was the fish, staring at me, unblinking, mouth opening and closing as if mocking my misfortune. That is when I knew my fish was a PC Killer.

The Dog who Itched too Much

2005-04-24T01:49:00.000-07:00

That would be our dog, Baron. As previously posted, we took him to the vet about a month ago because of a large hot spot (hair had been licked/bitten off) on his side and also at the time he had been pooping and peeing without seeming to have control over himself. At the time the vet had treated his stomach problems which are now fine, but the itching will not stop.

I feel really bad he has been wearing a buster collar for over a month now, when we aren't watching him, because everytime we leave him alone he starts eating himself! We finally took him to the vet today expecting to discover that he has flears or something, and our groomer also said his ears are infected. Fleas are easy and relatively inexpensive to treat and would have been the best scenario. Instead the vet says that he doesn't seem fleas but is obviously an extremely itchy dog.

So, she reccomends doing a skin scrape to rule out mites, which are the easiest and least expensive possible cause of the problem. She also prescribes antibiotic. So after the scrape and the antibiotics our vet bill today ended up at about $125. And lo and behold, he doesn't have mites apparently, which means that we now have to move into the next level of investigation, including a biopsy and possible blood work. Added up we come to just about $500. For an 11 year old dog. I think we're gong to try some natural remedies first and hope the anti-biotics help.

Unfortunately we left the dog unattended without his buster collar as not only is the patch on his side much larger and worse, but he has created a bunch of new spots all up and down his front leg that he has done a great job chewing on. One of them was actually quite bloody and the rest are new. All I can say is that it is extremely frustrating and disheartening.

Anyway, I prayed over the dog and "laid hands" on him.. I told God that Baron is his creature and God promised to take care of the smallest of his creations. We can't afford $500 in vet treatments at this point so something else is going to have to be done. If you think of it, would you pray for my dog too? He's a really good boy who deserves better.

Well that's enough out of me - later.

Does writing about evil make me the Devil?

2005-04-20T10:11:00.000-07:00

A month or so ago, my friend Gwen (yes, the same one who is thankfully still attached to Russ at the hip!) emailed me a question that really hit home for me. We had been talking about the fact that she and I and my best friend Rich are all kindred spirits of the dorky variety (i.e. we love Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, etc) when Gwen asked me (being, as she implied, a fairly "experienced" Christian), what I thought about fantasy and science fiction from a spiritual perspective. As I had been pondering that very question at that time, this naturally led to a lengthy rant by yours truly, which I have now doctored up slightly (so that it reads more like a post and less like an email to someone) and reproduced for you reading pleasure.

I didn't really come into my own in (in terms of my walk with Christ) until I was around 14 or so, but I have always had the belief. I have also had my struggles on the issue of the "Good" and "Evil" inherent in things like fantasy and science-fiction as well as other art forms, specifically music and TV/Movies, etc, etc..

For a long while I really wasn't overly concerned about this, especially in terms of music which has been a big part of my life for a long time. As some of you may have noticed I listen to fairly heavy music and have done so since I was 17 or 18 - I really didn't censor it too much unless it was really blatantly gross or Satanic (i.e. Marilyn Manson), but because I pretty well hated Christian music and loved Industrial/Metal style stuff I got into a lot of Nine Inch Nails and things of that nature. I really had no interest in thinking about whether I should be listening to this or that because I just wanted music I could enjoy regardless of anything else.

It was probably a year or two ago that I really got turned onto Christian music in the vein that I
listen to and started listening to bands like Skillet, Thousand Foot Krutch, Massivivid, etc and realized that music is so much cooler when you connect to it spiritually. Since then I have been very careful about the music I listen to and have realized that there is a huge potential for evil
things to creep in through music and art in general.

Have said all of that - specifically speaking into the fantasy and sci-fi vein of things, I think there is definately a huge potential for both Good and Evil to be glorified through fiction, but I don't feel this is an inherent thing in the genre - rather to me is all dependent on the intentions and spiritual approach of the author.

To take C.S. Lewis for example - The Chronicles of Narnia were extremely allegorical of his Christian Faith and yet you can read it with or without that aspect and still enjoy the story as simply a fantasy story. Even for a non-Christian who reads it just for enjoyment, the spirit of the story will still have an impact because that was what the author intended.

Another example is The Lord of the Rings - to hear it from the author, his intention in writing it
was simply and purely to write a damn good story - he detested "allegory" in all of its forms and wanted to write something that was left up to the interpretation of the reader. Having said that - Tolkien was also a devout (believing) Catholic Christian and that aspect of his personality naturally comes out in his writing. So while he wasn't intentionally trying to "preach" through his books, his worldview and beliefs are in there.

I think this can definately be true of non-Christian writers as well - I've read a lot of "secular" fantasy and Sci-Fi that I have absolutely no problem with.. the author didn't have a purposefully anti-Christian agenda and their worldview and beliefs, while not necessarily Christian are also
not "Satanic" or whatever. One aspect of fantasy that I have always found problematic is the concept of "magic", which is always present but takes on many different forms and has different explanations depending on who is writing the story. I am always careful about any book that glorifies the use of the occult for power - this I have a problem with because intentional or not, the author is basically promoting witchcraft.

In this there is also a huge difference between pure fantasy (as in fantasy based in a completely fictional world with completely fictional spiritual dynamics, etc - i.e. LOTR) and fantasy based in the real world (i.e. Harry Potter). I have always had a huge check in myself about Harry Potter because it is not exactly a fantasy story - it is in fact a story about a boy from OUR world
(meaning that OUR God exists here, and our Devil) who is the hero because of his powers as a Wizard. This is not only promoting the occult and witchcraft on a fantastical/conceptual level, but is DIRECTLY promoting witchcraft and the occult in the REAL world.

While pure fantasy in this vein might encourage a child to want to be a great fantasical wizard in a fantasy world (which is not really a good thing, but is also not real or possible), a series like Harry Potter makes little boys and little girls want to actually BE witches and warlocks in OUR world (which is entirely possible and readily available if you know where to look - like your local family book store).

So basically I avoid occultic fantasy in general and real-world based occultic fantasy like the plague. There are tons of good books out there that take the occult out of magic, which I appreciate - Tolkien did this. If you read LOTR and really pay attention to what "Magic" is, there is no mention of occultic power used by the heroes - in fact none of the human
characters or heroes use what can be considered to be "magic". There are Elves, who are thought to be magical and use magic, however the Elven magic is actually an innate characteristic of their nature and is offered up to Illuvatar (God) as worship. Take away Elves and the only "Magic" in that book comes from the dark powers (Sauron) and the Wizards (Gandalf and Saruman). Tolkien's Wizards are often misunderstood as being human beings
with magical powers when in fact they are closer to what we would call angels. As such their "magic" is also infused into the nature of what they are and for what purpose they were created. When Saruman turns to sorcery this is depicted by machines and fires and artificial power destroying and perverting the natural order. This arrangment, of course, was all intentional, not because Tolkien was writing a Christian story but because he was a Christian writing a story.

I've read books where this comes out in the other way - one in specific that I can recall included a journey by the main character at the end of which he runs into a secret society of Elves, whom the book had setup as wise and sagelike people whose job it was to guide the main character to
the right way of doing things. At one point this character sees a painting depicting a meeting of "the gods" in which all of the Gods are portrayed as beams of light. When he questions one of the very wise elvish types about this, the response is "What did you expect the Gods to look like -
yourself? Only a fool believes that he is made in the image of god." As soon as I read that I felt that "slimed" feeling like I've just been party to something spiritually underhanded. The remark just seemed so specifically aimed at Christians and I couldn't get that out of my mind.
I just honestly had the feeling afterwards that the book was just no good, so I got rid of it and felt much better.

I think in the end it requires a lot of discernment to decide what is okay and what isn't - in my mind it is all about the author's intentions and their worldview and beliefs. The genre itself can be used in a very Godly way, or it can (as is usual) be used for something else. I myself have
been writing a very long fantasy story (see "The Chronicle of the Sentinels" under my links if you don't know what I am talking about) that I have intended to contain Christian allegory while being completely removed from the real world. There is "magic" involved, but I am writing this to behave (in an embellished way) the way it does in real life. Basically there are "Saints" who follow the true God and are granted certain powers by that God. These powers are always dispensed by the God of their world and are not contained in the person. Alternately there are evildoers who have access to supernatural powers by way of demonic entities and what we would call the occult. In this way I am trying to make a distinction between what the good and bad guys are drawing upon.. the bad guys use "magic", which is self-serving and evil, while the good guys call upon their power and authority from God and use it for God's purposes. In a way my story is almost like a more adult oriented Chronicles of Narnia - imagine C.S.
Lewis' theme done with a Tolkien-esque skin.

So, to summarize - I believe whole-heartedly that God can used ANY artform for his glory, and that the Devil can take that artform and corrupt into something else. I also believe that what is acceptable for some to read or watch or whatever may be different for someone else. While one person may be able to read Harry Potter without be affected negatively by it, I believe that children and anyone with an unhealthy fascination in the occult should definately stay away.

I am definately tired of fundamentalist types labelling anything that contains characterizations of evil or the occult or the devil as being "Of the devil". And there's a lot of people like that who will look at LOTR and say "Oh look how ugly that thing is! Look that man is a sorceror! This movie (or book) must be evil!". By that logic the Bible would be the most satanic writing in human history. The devil is real, and his tricks are real - portraying these realities is not wrong as long as we don't start to confuse evil with good and make the bad guys the good guys or the good guys good because they are in fact so bad. There is a difference between depicting evil and glorifying it!

Anyway that's enough outta me. Peace out.

Another Story Update

2005-04-19T13:59:00.000-07:00

I really do apologize for having posted nothing in here for awhile. I have been completely preoccupied with getting my prologue finished. Speaking of which - I've posted the next segment at http://sentinelstory.blogspot.com

Hopefully now I can devote some brain power to posting some more of my deep thoughts around here!

Excuses, excuses

2005-04-18T08:55:00.000-07:00

Looks like I haven't really posted in awhile.. I do have some stuff going on in my head that I will post eventually, but my first priority is getting my prologue finished at the other blog (http://sentinelstory.blogspot.com).

I am getting close to posting another segment, and there should one more segment after that. Then I will start unloading some of the random gibberish in my noggin here. Are you all excited? Mmmkay.

Story Update

2005-04-06T15:22:00.000-07:00

The next segment has been posted!

http://sentinelstory.blogspot.com

2 Years! Can you Believe it? I almost can!

2005-04-05T10:49:00.000-07:00

Yup, yup, yup.. me and the Lisanator have official made the 2 year mark. Well, I should qualify that - in about an hour or so we will have made the 2 hour mark, as our wedding started at about 11 am and I would guess the knot was officially tied about 30 minutes in. (Oh God I hope I got the time right.. oh well if not, that's what the EDIT button is for, right?).

I can't say that it has been a particularly easy 2 years, nor can I say that it has always been a pleasant journey, as Lisa and I have, shall we say, conflicting personalities. However, I can say with certainty and assurance that it has been an entirely worthwhile endeavour, and one that has made me quite a different person in many ways.

Let us recap the last 2 years in brief:

April 5, 2003: Well, we got married. High Jinks Ensued. Oh did I mention that neither of us had a job?

April 14, 2003: I started working at West Corp. To start with it ws the best paying job I'd ever had. Which is sad because it was like $9.00 an hour to start. However, as Lisa once predicted from a dream she had, the job has opened doors for me.

May or June something 2003: Lisa started working for Dr. Laidley. While there have been some definate ups and downs for her, I certainly feel this was a blessing and also a daily lesson for the both of us. 3 or 4 years from now, when Lisa is an RMT, I'm sure we'll both agree this job was largely responsible for her inspiration to actually do it.

August 21 2003: Lisa organized a killer surprise birthday party for me at the Keg, with like 3 million people. It was awesome. I don't think we even paid for that prime rib.. MMMMmmmmm.

August 25 2003: I was promoted to "Performance Assessment Specialist" at West Corp. This has been a truly great job for me and I have excelled at it, thanks to the good lord!

(Oh lord this is taking too long - let's skip ahead a bit)

December 25 2003: Our first Christmas together. I think this was the year I got the "I live with fear everday, but sometimes she lets me play golf" T-Shirt from Fear's.. er I mean Lisa's Dad. Actually maybe that was the year before.

February/March 2004: Doctor Shit-Head diagnoses me with Type 2 Diabetes. Turns out all this time I thought I was just "husky", I was actually quite obese. The photographic record also supports this hypothesis.

March 2004: I fling dung at Dr. El-Stupido-Retardo and opt out of taking deathly diabetes medication. Cynicism about the Western Medical system sets in. Flying in the face of modern medical treatments, I set out to get better, instead of worse. I stop eating sugar and refined carbohydrates and not excercising and start eating vegetables, natural foods, walking and working out regularly.

Juneish 2004: I'm well on my way to getting better.. lost a lot of weight.. blood sugar starting to return to normal levels. I jog for the first time. This is a big day.

Julyish 2004: I am jogging on a regular basis, continuing to lose weight and get better.

August 21 2004: Lisa holds another killer surprise birthday party with a ton of people, outdoors at Elk Lake. Unexpected torrential rains kill most of the party guests, but on the upside I got to see a killer magic show by Kernel Popcorn!

September - October 2004: We move into our current residence and adopt our 11 year old German Shepherd, Baron. I have my first hemoglobin A1C test since I was first diagnosed. The test comes back well within normal range. Yay! Eat that, Dr. Shitface! Oh and thanks to our new doctor, Dr. Gary Nielsen for being a stand-up dude and helping me through all of this!

Now flash forward to today. I'm a totally different person. I've lost a total of 80 pounds, am regularly active and just better. Sure I've got emotional problems, but hell, these days who doesn't??!!

Seriously though, 2 years is a major accomplishment in the marriage arena - most people don't make it this long without a mass-murder/suicide or some kind of gas main explosion. We're on our way!

Love you Lisa! Here's to another 2 years!

More Story!

2005-04-01T14:29:00.000-08:00

Part 2 of the prologue has been posted! Check it out at http://sentinelstory.blogspot.com

2 Billion People Can't be Wrong - or Can They?

2005-03-31T08:48:00.000-08:00

"You can enter God's Kingdom only through the narrow gate. The highway to hell is broad, and its gate is wide for the many who choose the easy way. But the gateway to life is small, and the road is narrow, and only a few ever find it." Matthew 7:13-14

Apparently Christianity is the largest world religion, with over 2 Billion adherents. Does anybody else find this statistic hard to believe. Certainly the Bible seems to contradict this idea when it says that "only a few ever find [the gateway to life]". I think there is definately a lesson here that needs to be learned.

It has become increasingly apparent to me that there are actually far fewer REAL disciples of Christ than we realize, although to look on the surface it appears as though we are legion. By now, most Christians recognize the fact that no other "religious" group in the world is as widely reviled and disrespected as the Christian Church. Sometimes it seems as though there is some kind of conspiracy out there to discredit and ridicule us.

Fact is there is a very real conspiracy that starts in the spirit by way of the devil and his cronies, and therefore translates into the natural world by way of the popular media and the world system. Let's face it - the devil would love nothing more than to reduce the image of Christianity to an empty, sterile, laughing stock consisting of boring old men, irritating middle-aged ladies and over-the-edge, obsessive young people that must naturally earn the ire of the "thinking" world.

A large part of the devil's strategy, as I see it, is to promote people who declare themselves (and perhaps truly believe themselves to be) real Christians and yet in reality have no clue (or in some cases simply aren't interested) in what it means to be a true Christian.

Some of these are people who could be described as modern-day Pharisees. These are the religious people who love to point out everyone's flaws and call down divine judgement on those they deem to be unrighteous, or talk Bible circles around the unitiated. These are also the kinds of the people that fill large and powerful churches, man the political juggernaut that is the "Religious Right" and wear the titles such as "fundamentalist" as a badge of honour. They're cowardly because they hide behind their knowledge of scripture while judging other people but never seem to realize that those same scriptures apply to their own lives as well.

"The teachers of religious law and the Pharisees are the official interpreters of the Scriptures. So practice and obey whatever they say to you, but don't follow their example. For they don't practice what they teach. They crush you with impossible religious demands and never lift a finger to help ease the burden." Matthew 23:2-4

In other cases we see the devil's tactic in the form of random strangers (usually standing on street corners, often looking unkempt, occasionally drooling) who seem to think it is their mission to tell every stranger that walks by that they are going to hell or screaming slogans like "turn or burn!". These people disgust almost everyone besides themselves and, if given half the chance, are almost sure to inspire most people to swear off anything associated with Christianity.

"How can you think of saying, `Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,' when you can't see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log from your own eye; then perhaps you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend's eye." Matthew 7:4-5

Then there are the listless, exhaustingly changeable, adolescent (in age or mentality) youth groupers, who just never seem able to get themselves together. These are not to be confused with the actually sincere teenaged youth groupers who really are working for the kingdom, because I definately recognize the hard work and honest devotion of these (particularly in my church - our youth and young adults are pretty amazing for the most part). The people I'm talking about are the ones who have an obvious habit of making completely backwards lifestyle choices and are known by pretty well everyone for being completely unreliable. Most of these showed up to Church once or twice and had some kind of emotional "experience" where they became saved. After that they disappear for awhile and are occasionally spotted downtown, drunk or stoned or some other variant of these and show up for church every few months to wave their hands in the air and have another emotionally charged "experience". I find nothing terribly real about this kind of faith because there is absolutely no fruit.

"You can detect them by the way they act, just as you can identify a tree by its fruit. You don't pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles. A healthy tree produces good fruit, and an unhealthy tree produces bad fruit. A good tree can't produce bad fruit, and a bad tree can't produce good fruit. So every tree that does not produce good fruit is chopped down and thrown into the fire. Yes, the way to identify a tree or a person is by the kind of fruit that is produced." Matthew 7:16-20

Then there are those who seem to think that Christianity is a membership in some kind of religious social club, with a bouncer at the door prepared to weed out the undesirables and make sure that the club stays members-only. This type of "Christian" often looks extremely devoted on the outside as they flit from church to home-group to alpha meeting to men's breakfast to choir practice. But put them in a room with a non-Christian, especially one who is rough around the edges, and they don't have a clue what to do. They've never had time for anybody outside of their circle, so of course they are completely unprepared for this type of situation.

Some of my best memories revolve around hanging out with a bunch of neo-pagan/wiccan/you name it's who had nothing but derision for Christians before they met me. They were my most regular friends for awhile and were always reliable and true and desperately in need of the truth. I feel sorry for "Christians" who have no time for unbelievers because they'll never feel the reward that comes with leading someone to the kingdom.

"The Pharisees were indignant. "Why does your teacher eat with such scum?" they asked his disciples.
When he heard this, Jesus replied, "Healthy people don't need a doctor--sick people do." Then he added, "Now go and learn the meaning of this Scripture: `I want you to be merciful; I don't want your sacrifices.' For I have come to call sinners, not those who think they are already good enough." Matthew 9:11-13

The final group I am going to mention is probably also the largest. These are the ones who think that Christianity is a birthright or habit. I've talked to people who say they are Christians because they go to church, or because they were born into a Christian family, or because they do good deeds. There are people who think they are Christians because they were born in North America and go to church on Christmas and Easter. Or people who think that because they believe in some kind of vaguely defined god, or pray regularly or went to sunday school, or hold Bible studies in their home that this makes them a Christian. But they are lacking that essential component - that relationship with their creator, and they in turn mislead others.

"Not all people who sound religious are really godly. They may refer to me as `Lord,' but they still won't enter the Kingdom of Heaven. The decisive issue is whether they obey my Father in heaven. On judgment day many will tell me, `Lord, Lord, we prophesied in your name and cast out demons in your name and performed many miracles in your name.' But I will reply, `I never knew you. Go away; the things you did were unauthorized.'" Matthew 7:21-23

So subtract all the fakers and those 2 Billion "Christians" very quickly start to look like a whole lot less. Its an insidious plot on the part of the devil, but also a very effective one - I know I have been guilty of more than one of the things I have described above. Everyone has done one of these things at some point in their walk with Christ. Thankfully all of these things can be put down and left behind, if only we will look outside of what we "know" and seek the truth instead.

In the end it all comes down to this:

"And this is what God has testified: He has given us eternal life, and this life is in his Son. So whoever has God's Son has life; whoever does not have his Son does not have life." 1 John 5:11-12

Story Time!

2005-03-30T13:48:00.000-08:00

I've created a new blog in which I plan to publish, in serial format, my long awaited fantasy story.

Please check it out and leave tons of comments! http://sentinelstory.blogspot.com

The Problem with Pharisees

2005-03-28T12:53:00.000-08:00

"Beware of these teachers of religious law! For they love to parade in flowing robes and to have everyone bow to them as they walk in the marketplaces. And how they love the seats of honor in the synagogues and at banquets. But they shamelessly cheat widows out of their property, and then, to cover up the kind of people they really are, they make long prayers in public. Because of this, their punishment will be the greater." Luke 20:46-47

I've been noticing a disturbing trend lately, among Christians, especially those belonging to the 'Fundamentalist' persuasion. We've become stodgy and set in our ways and so concerned with appearing righteous that the really important things that Christ came to teach us are being lost. In essence we've become Pharisees.

Where I think this really comes out is in the selective Christianity that most people practice. This is the version of Christianity where we get to pick two or three things that really chafe us, and then form religious armies to mobilize and basically do everything possible to break the offenders down and do away with them. This is especially abhorant to me when it enters the political arena and we start electing presidents and prime ministers based on their support or opposition to our two "Biblical" issues.

What we love to ignore is the fact that gays and abortion are not the two most important issues talked about in the Bible. In fact, I don't know that I've ever seen anything in the Bible that mentions abortion, and while homosexuality (in practice, not in temptation) is definately a sin, it also isn't mentioned more than a handful of times. The fact is that Jesus spent more time talking about money and the abuse of money than about any other subject. Jesus taught far more about social justice - taking care of widows, orphans and the poor, than he ever did about the evils of homosexuality and abortion.

And yet, we Christians in our wisdom have decided that rallying against same-sex marriage and picketing abortion clinics are the only things that really matter to God. Forget fighting for economic reform, social justice or the stewardship of the environment, those aren't matters for real Christians but for hippies and democrats.

Well God does not allow, anywhere in the scriptures, for us to be selective about our faith. If we are going to mobilize 1000 people to protest same-sex marriage, we had better already have mobilized 10,000 people to feed the hungry and build homes for the homeless, because those are the issues that God cares about - more than anything else he loves his people. Our greatest command is to love one another, not to persecute sinners.

The fact is, Christians no longer have any credibility because the world only sees us calling people down and rebuking their sins, but not caring for them or loving them. If as many Christians would unite in the name of social justice, the environment and the care and provision for the needy, the world would listen to us when we correct it its wrongdoings.

But instead we practice selective Christianity, and the most important parts of Jesus' message are lost to the world.

"How terrible it will be for you teachers of religious law and you Pharisees. Hypocrites! For you are careful to tithe even the tiniest part of your income, but you ignore the important things of the law--justice, mercy, and faith. You should tithe, yes, but you should not leave undone the more important things." Matthew 23:23

Saint - 1, Icy Fingers of Death - 0

2005-03-23T13:11:00.000-08:00

Yes, that's right, I have won the heating war and sent the Icy Fingers of Death back to its home in the spare bedroom.. and sometimes the bathroom.

Those portable baseboard heaters that we bought from Canadian Tire really came through for us and for the second morning in a row I was able to hop out of bed and not fear the icy grip of subzero temperatures calling to me from under the carpet. Its so good we actually had to turn the heat DOWN last night.

I'm debating whether or not we should take one of the heaters back because so far we haven't really needed to use it, but I bet I'll be kicking myself come next November so maybe we'll keep them both. The nice thing is they should be much cheaper to use than the oil furnace - the calculator at BCHydro.com said it would cost about $65 a month to run one heater 24 hours a day. That certainly beats the $150-$250 we've been spending for a month's worth of heating oil. Of course that may be due to the outrageous price of gas at the moment (just saw the 96.9 price tag and thought I was going to have a coronary). Heating oil is close to the same price, which is about double what it apparently cost a year or so ago.

To further aid in our battle against the cold, we picked up a heat conservation kit that has window covers and special plates for electrical outlets and light switches that are supposed to cut down on drafts.. which would be nice as our place seems to be more draft than house.

Well that's one battle won.. onto the next!

The Baron's New Clothes

2005-03-22T09:01:00.000-08:00

It seems that our dog's little skin condition got a whole lot worse while we were at work. In fact we came home to discover a patch more than twice as large as when we left.. I don't know exactly what has been causing that dog to scratch and bite like that, but I'm thinking it may be a combination of things - the moving back and forth, first to mom's house and now back to our house, as well as being in a cold, cold house and the fact that he apparently has been in some fairly major abdominal discomfort.

We decided we were going to just wash the "hot spot" (as they call those hairless patches that dogs make on themselves) and just keep an eye on him, but then a few strange things happened. Firstly, we decided to take him with us to Canadian Tire (to get our new heaters), and whilst getting into the car the poor dog pooped (like diarhea) a little bit in the car. He's never done anything like that before but it was like he just lost all control. Then, after our trip to Canadian Tire we took him to Petcetera to look at something to keep him from further injuring the spot.. and he pees on the floor - twice! Very weird. At the same time he was putting out the most egregious gas I think I have ever experienced - it made me actually squint my eyes and cry a little bit.

It was then we decided we'd better get him to a vet.. he just seemed not like himself. After much deliberation we broke down and took him to the emergency vet hospital downtown and got him checked out. The vet discovered that Baron had some really nasty "gut" stuff going on - he was very gassy and he suspects Baron may have a parasite of some sort. There wasn't anything to specifically explain the hot spot, but at least there was no evidence of fleas. So the prognosis is that we have to feed Baron some special food for a few days and give him 2 different kinds of medication - one in pill form that we can hide in his food, and one that we have to use a syringe to squirt down his throat (he loved that one, I might add). I also should mention that Baron absolutely loved having a thermometer up his butt.

In order to prevent Baron from further injuring the hot spot, we had to get him some new clothes. Specifically this stylish collar and this makeshift sock-boot we made for him out of one of my socks and a whole lot of "vet wrap", which is supposed to help prevent him from scratching himself silly.

Needless to say, the poor dog is having a very rough time getting around the house. He pretty much catches the collar on every and has to do a little dance in order to get unstuck. Apparently it messes up his peripheral vision as well, as evidenced by the fact that when I let him outside to pee he has no idea where he is and heads straight for the road.

All this for only $180! ..Its okay.. God will provide! Right? I mean he told us he would! Okay, God - start providing!

For some good news, check back later.

Ruder Awakening

2005-03-21T10:40:00.000-08:00

So we actually spent our first night back home last night.. and as the title suggests, it was actually worse than I imagined. I think we may have chosen pretty well the worst time to move back into our icy dungeon as the temperature dropped to like 1 degree last night. I also hear there is a possibility of snow on the horizon. Not what I want to hear. Not at all.

To add insult to injury that oil-fulled radiator we bought is a Grade-A P.O.S. (for those of you who are unfamilar with the acronym, that means Piece of Suckyheatingequipment). We left it on overnight in our bedroom and I knew when I got up this morning and felt the cold fingers of icy death grabbing my feet when I stepped on the floor that a certain oil-filled heater was not living up to our expectations. In the heater's defence, it did a bang-up job of heating up the air in a 6 inch circle directly around itself.

To add schoolyard name calling to the insult that was added to the injury, Baron (our 11 year German Shepherd) appears to have bitten and/or scratched the fur off of a small patch of skin on his right side. I'm guessing its a flea thing.. hopefully it won't require an expensive trip to the vet.

In a further quest to heat our house, we've decided to exchange the oil-filled heater for two portable baseboard heaters.. it'll cost more, but the baseboards are apparently safe to leave on when we aren't there and should heat the house more efficiently. I guess we'll see. Pray for us.. pray that someone doesn't find us in the next few days, huddled in our bed like 2 giant icecubes (a la bugs bunny).

Rude Awakening

2005-03-20T01:11:00.000-08:00

So tomorrow, Me and Lisa's stint of housesitting for my mom and co. comes to an end. We will be picking them up from the airport at 11:05pm tomorrow night (actually I just realized its 1:14 am, which means it is actually tonight). By my calculations this puts me and Lisa officially being back in our own place in approximately 23 hours or so.

Originally I was looking forward to getting back to our place in the "country", however I have to admit that I've become rather attached to things like cable TV and heat over the last two weeks. We brought most of our stuff (including the cat) back to the house today in preparation for our arrival and it was then that the realization came crashing down upon me that our place is fricking freezing! Our oil furnace seems to have lost about 3/4 of its fuel efficiency as well as developing a leak at some point - the result is that we ran out of heating oil on the day we came over to my mom's. So basically its really cold. In anticipation of moving back in, we bought a plug-in oil radiator heater from Crappy Tire because we were told by one of their employees that it would be okay to leave it on all the time, even when we aren't there. We thought this would be a great alternative to using the furnace.. until we got the thing home and read a passage in the instruction manual that says "Never leave heater unattended when in use." So much for that plan I guess.

I would almost be tempted to buy another half tank of oil, but since the last half we bought was gone in under one month it just doesn't seem worth it. My kingdom for an electric furnace.. or even baseboard heaters! Somehow I doubt our landlords are gonna spring for that.

Anyway, we prayed for God to heat the house somehow, so I guess we'll see. I'll let all of you (up to three viewers now, I think!) know what happens!

On a slightly different note, I would like to mention how much I appreciate Lisa taking the time to organize my music for worship almost every week! Thanks sweetie pie! Love you!

Lunch Money

2005-03-17T15:05:00.000-08:00

Have you ever been faced with a seemingly mundane decision about a seemingly minor detail and made the choice to sacrifice something in favour of someone else(like your spouse), only to discover that in what you thought was an altruistic and selfless act actually ended up inconveniencing said other party?

Yeah that happened to me today when I was getting dressed for work and noticed that my wife (still sleeping) had put a $20 and about $2 in change on the dresser. I thought for a moment that it might be nice to have a $20 on hand but then decided to take the change instead (thinking that it would be nice to buy some coffee cream for work) and left the $20 for my wife in an effort to be selfless and make sure she was taken care of.

A little later I got a phone call from said wife, in a rather grouchy mood, asking for an explanation for why I stole her lunch money. "But I left you the 20!" I said. "That 20 wasn't mine, it was for work!" she replied. She then proceeded to complain about being hungry and having no money to buy lunch as I had also taken the opportunity to "steal" back my debit card that morning.

So I guess I can add "stealing lunch money" to my resume.

Defining a Saint

2005-03-16T17:20:00.000-08:00

So what exactly is a Saint anyway?

There are many definitions, but when most think of the word saint images come to mind of the semi-mystical and apparently near-perfect beings canonized by the Roman Catholic church, who are somehow able to step in for God and answer our prayers on his behalf.

Apart from that, the word saint usually denotes a really great person who is incapable of doing any wrong. From this definition we derive common phrases such as "He's no saint", inferring that the person in question is an immoral or somehow "bad" person.

So what is the real definition of the word saint? And what does a person need to do in order to be considered one of these?

First we'll look at the dictionary (or more precisely dictionary.com), which defines 'saint' as:

Abbr. St. or S. Christianity. A person officially recognized, especially by canonization, as being entitled to public veneration and capable of interceding for people on earth.

or

a person who has died and has been declared a saint by canonization 2: person of exceptional holiness [syn: holy man, holy person, angel] 3: model of excellence or perfection of a kind; one having no equal .

Wikipedia.com (like a dictionary but with more emphasis on cultural relevence) seems to back this up by saying that:

In general, the term Saint refers to someone who is exceptionally virtuous and holy. It can be applied to both the living and the dead and is an acceptable term in most of the world's popular religions. The Saint is held up by the community as an example of how we all should act, and his or her life story is usually recorded for the edification of future generations.

Wow.. those are some large shoes to fill. You may ask "Ryan - how can you dare to call yourself a Saint given the meaning of the word?". Well, rest assured there is more to say on the subject.

I like Wikipedia because it not only gives a definition of things but also goes into detail about where it came from and how it has been used historically. Wikipedia had this to say about the origin of "saint":

The term Saint is derived from the Latin Sanctus meaning “Holy”. This is a direct translation from the Greek word "hagios" also meaning “Holy”. In its original scriptural usage it simply means “Holy” or “Sanctified”. In this form it can be applied to a “Holy” person, a place (The Holy Mountain), a thing, such as Scripture itself (Holy Writing), or even God (The Holy Spirit). But very soon the early Christians began to make the distinction of using the term “Saint” to refer to a specific, exemplary individual.

Aha! So it was not originally used in the Roman Catholic context but was adapted from the real scriptural definition, apparently used frequently by the Apostle Paul. I definately like what Wikipedia goes on to say about "Christianity in General":

In many Protestant churches, the word is used more generally to refer to anyone who is a Christian. This is similar in usage to St. Paul's numerous references. In this sense, anyone who is within the Body of Christ is “Holy” because of their relationship with Jesus.

Similarly, Dictionary.com states something similar in the bottom parts of the its definition:

one separated from the world and consecrated to God; one holy by profession andby covenant; a believer in Christ

So the truth comes out. From putting all of this together it seems that the word "saint" was used frequently by Paul and that the Protestant interpretation of the word is the closest we have to the actual scriptural meaning. I wanted to find at least one or two actual Bible passages to back this up, so I did a search at Biblegateway.com for "saint". I used the King James Version as I figured it was the most likely to actually contain the word "saint" and found this passage, that I think sums up perfectly what a saint is:

Philippians 4:21
21Salute every saint in Christ Jesus. The brethren which are with me greet you.

"Salute EVERY saint in Christ Jesus" .. is that perfect or what?

Conclusions: Everyone who is with Christ is a saint. The godlike figures popularized by the Roman Catholic church were just ordinary, sinful, imperfect people, just like me and just like you - they deserve the title "Saint" inasmuch as they are with Jesus Christ and for no other reason. Being a Saint doesn't mean being perfect - in fact it doesn't really mean we have to be particularly "good" people.. it just means that we have accepted the gift of our Creator and become his children and his servants.

While writing fantasy stories I have envisioned armies of ordinary and yet extraordinary Saints, all fighting, however imperfectly, in the name of their God - all possessed of gifts that no one but God himself can bestow - all following the leadership and guidance of God through his ultimate messenger, Jesus Christ.

Such an army would be unstoppable in any fantasy setting. It would be unstoppable in the real world too.

Version 2.0

2005-03-16T10:53:00.000-08:00

So the blog is back. I wish I had waited until after my destructive (electronically speaking) rage had settled down to decide whether I REALLY wanted to kill it. I had a good post in there. I was proud of that post. And now its gone.

So I dunno how much I'll be putting in here or exactly WHAT I'll be putting in here. I shall try to re-create my post about the definition of a Saint as I see it.

Welcome to Version 2.0