The Die Has Been Cast...

As I was writing the title, I got to thinking that I really didn't know what the original source of that expression was. I've always thought of it as being related to throwing the dice in a game of chance - once the die is cast, fate is out of one's own hands and in the hands of, well, fate. Seems fitting. I also realized that this also fits in the context of die-casting metal; once you have cast the die, the shape of whatever you are making is set (but not in stone, in steel!). So the expression serves as a statement of inevitability about one's circumstances. The decision has been made, and there is no going back.

I guess in my case, either of these variations could apply - in one sense, a decision has been made, and is now going forward regardless of any second guessing on the part of Lisa and I. In the other sense, we really don't know exactly what to expect, but whatever the outcome ends up as, it is no longer in our hands.

This is all to say that we have made the big, and fairly heavy decision to move again. It was a really hard thing to do, because, unlike the rat-infested mould kingdom we left the last time, we love our house, and we love our town. We love our quiet, little neighbourhood, and we love that we can walk out our front door and have everything we need within easy reach of where our feet can take us. We love the airplanes flying over head, and we love our yard.

But, we are giving up all of that, less because we want to, and more because we have to. With Lisa's mom's store having gone belly-up (no fault of hers I might add), she is left with the prospect of not having a job in the near future. With her mother sick with alzheimer's, she is faced with the prospect of not having a mom in the near future. So she is going to go live with her sister and help look after her mom for awhile, in Ontario. I think it's the best thing she could do right now, but it had put Lisa and I in an uncomfortable position, because without having her significant help with our $1200 rent, there is no way we can stay in that house, not and survive as a couple. Even as things are now, money is always tight, and constantly on my mind.

I hate having to be stressed about finances everytime we go out to eat, or go to a movie, nevermind the sheer financial hell that the mere mention of going on a holiday anywhere inevitably creates.

Barry, my step-dad, said some very wise things to us when we were discussing all of this with he and my mom; he said that as much as we may love our house, and where we are at geographically speaking, all of that is far less important with how we are doing as a couple, and whether we are really living and enjoying our life. We can't live without money - it is a both a blessing and a curse, but it is also necessary. In the state we are in, we have a lot of debts, and a lot of expenses, and a lot of bills -- to really live and enjoy life is made difficult, if not impossible, in the financial state we are in, so if we really want to get ahead in life, and enjoy it, and live it, we may need to sacrifice our nice house, and all the rest of that, to get ourselves in a position of freedom.

Toward that end, Barry suggested to my mom that Lisa and I rent out the bottom floor suite of their house - which, ironically, is something we had actually been gunning for before we moved into our current abode. To do so would be advantageous for everybody involved, and would give us a really great opportunity to offload a lot of our expenses and actually start to pay off our debts. We both realize that this is the opportunity to "start over again" in many ways, that we have been seeking for a long time.

I feel like Lisa and I have been battling in the arena ever since we got married, duking our way through battle after battle to stay alive - there have been times of triumph and times of defeat, but we've taken a lot of setbacks, and we're exhausted. This is our chance to take a breather and step into the practice ring for awhile to get in shape for the real battles to come. It means stepping away from the glories of the arena for awhile, but in the end we'll be able to come back and win.

In preparation for all of this - we are getting rid of about 98% of our crap. Having a garage sale in March, and giving a lot of our furniture to my brother, who is going to be moving out of the suite we'll be moving into. We have a lot of stuff that needs sorting and either selling or just junking.. perhaps once we get a solid inventory I'll post some of it up and take offers haha :)

May 1st is the big day when we say bye to Sidney, for awhile at least.