Our Goldfish, the PC Killer

Yeah so we finally broke down and ordered a new computer from Dell. This is in response to our previous computer finally having a mental breakdown and committing suicide.

I say "suicide", however it is clear that foul play on the part of our fish was involved. I will now recount the horrific story as I recall it:

It was tuesday - yesterday. I returned home from work to find that the fish seemed hungry, so I decided to feed him. I successfully dropped some fish flakes into the tank, and then reached for the fish pellets (as I am told fish should be fed a variety of foods) with no idea of the horror that was about to begin. I dropped a few pellets into the tank and closed the lid. It was then, that hell and hades opened figuratively beneath my feet, engulfing me in flames so fierce I thought I might not make it.

Yes, that's right, I dropped the bag of pellets. They spilled from the bag, creating a pile of pellets on the carpet directly in front of and below the fish tank. I knew something had to be done immediately, so I rushed into the kitchen and grabbed the vaccuum cleaner. Rushing back into the office I proceeded to plug the vaccuum in and stepped on the on switch. At that very moment, time and space seemed suddenly to freeze as if the very rotation of the universe had been stopped inexorably by an invisible and yet omnipotent hand. The vaccuum did not turn on.. and furthermore, the computer (which heretofore had been left running almost constantly) had lost its power. I had tripped a breaker.

I ran down into the dungeon.. er basement, fighting against the cold drafts and damp cement that clawed at my skin like a drooling beast, hungry for all the warmth in my body. I reach the breakers without injury and found the errant switch, which I proceeded to reset. The sudden and yet unmistakable whine of the vaccuum echoed eerily from above.

I vaulted back upstairs and vaccuumed up the fish pellets, then turned off the vaccuum cleaner and turned my attention to the computer. Its power remained off, so I turned it back on and left it for a few minutes while it performed the inevitable dance called "Scandisk". After a few moments I returned, prepared to check my email only to find the screen completely blank except for a blinking cursor in the upper left hand corner.

I had seen this before - 3 times before the computer had died so, and each time I had resuscitated it by reinstalling the operating system overtop of the current configuration. So I did this. With baited breath I restarted the computer after completing the reinstallation.. and a blinking cursor stared back at me from the upper left corner of the screen.

It was then I knew that there was no going back for our wounded computer. I had been too slow, and the computer's soul had entered its final resting place.

I looked over at the fishtank and there was the fish, staring at me, unblinking, mouth opening and closing as if mocking my misfortune. That is when I knew my fish was a PC Killer.